Sam @SamECastillo
he/him, 🇲🇽🏳️🌈, Nebraska native 🌽, crab rangoon connoisseur instagram.com/sam.castillo25 Salt Lake City Joined April 2011-
Tweets11K
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Followers2K
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Following1K
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Likes68K
Sam retweeted
An unmasked lesbian walks into a bar. Bartender asks “why the long COVID?”
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Sam retweeted
cyclops when he meets a genie:
Sam retweeted
There’s actually tears in my eyes this is the funniest shit I’ve ever seen
Sam retweeted
Still one of the funniest tweets I’ve ever seen in my entire life
have to tell a guy his house is sinking tomorrow
Sam retweeted
Every day the universe mocks me
Sam retweeted
Mimicking the Grindr notification while rolling her r… genius the likes of which the world has never seen before.
Sam retweeted
The way they all say “WHOAAAAA” in unison kills me literally every time. They were gagged.
Oomf was soft launching a flaking So I sent her this & it WORKED
Sam retweeted
i work with someone called Bee and she signs her emails off with a bee emoji next to her name
Sam retweeted
My ex would call me her passenger princess whenever she drove, but she was a bad driver so the princess I felt like was Diana
Sam retweeted
one time in HS i knew this football player liked me but was closeted & he asked me to bum a preroll, so i jokingly told him he could have one if i got a smooch but we ended up making out & hooking up regularly until one day he moved to utah & converted to mormonism. blue cheese.
Sam retweeted
i’m wearing an evanescence shirt and stretching the absolute fuck out of amy lee’s forehead with my massive tits
Sam retweeted
Odysseus strumming his bow string and it makes a boyoyoyoyoiiiiiing
Sam retweeted
if 13 yr old me saw this the entire theatre walls would have been covered in cum like are you serious ?????
Robert Pattinson and Kristen Stewart in a Twilight deleted scene. (2008)
Sam retweeted
this was really some hating ass shit. why can't spongebob be cheeked up
Sam retweeted
situationship stabbed me but the police reported it as a domestic violence incident 👀 #ouushiii #whatarewe
Sam retweeted
My uncle killed himself with a shotgun in 1999
Sam retweeted
almost cried at work today and then i randomly remembered this tweet and i burst out laughing
Sam retweeted
Poop. Even a little poop and I won’t touch it
Sam retweeted
squid is a self hating fatphobic gay who only fucks guys who look like him hence why he is attracted to his ex squilliam. hes also into spongebob but feels weird about it bc sponge is way more fem than he'd usually go for
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