Brother Ben @SentenceReduced

#BillsMafia Gooble Gobble, One Of Us... https://t.co/WSm1eoBPQs) Joined July 2019

Tweets

42K
Followers

10K
Following

9K
Likes

53K

Darlin’ Darla @Darlainky

5 years ago

You can’t scare me, I grew up on ‘80s horror movies and still took a job as a camp counselor on a lake.

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Rebel Soul @ThisRebelSoul

5 years ago

That scene from Office Space where they drag the copy machine outside with a baseball bat… only it’s me and my Twitter search link.

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JOHNNY KAUFMAN @pdxjohnny99

5 years ago

If this world devolves to the point that they reboot Goodfellas I'm gonna just shed a tear or two and eat the barrel.

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Not Hot. Not Bothered. @hunbothered

5 years ago

You’re not OCD because you have an organized kitchen, Brenda. Let’s talk when it has taken you hours to leave your house because you need to keep checking doors and appliances.

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John Lyon @JohnLyonTweets

5 years ago

Big Bird’s friends refusing to believe in Mr. Snuffleupagus introduced stress and anxiety into my life at an early age, so thanks for that, Sesame Street.

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Bandersnaaatch @Bandersnaaatch

5 years ago

Cats know nothing of daylight savings… they just think I’m late with breakfast. Again.

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Shade 5 🎬 @Shader70

7 years ago

Not big on resolutions but I’m going to do everything I can to get back into those pants again. I’m talking about your pants.

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𝓶♡ @Love_bug1016

5 years ago

dear 2022, let this be the year we laugh more, fuck more, and mentally struggle less

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💀SpookyLittleComic👻 @CunniLinguist77

5 years ago

I got a souvenir from the museum. Not the gift shop. They have really good toilet paper.

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Nuclear Pasta @nuclearpasta_

5 years ago

[AT WORK] Coworker # 1: Good morning!! Me: [*Swipes left] Coworker # 2: Guess what I’m doing this weekend? Me: [*Swipes left] Coworker # 3: Can I get you coffee and a donut? Me: [*Swipes right]

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SondraDee @SondraDeeMe

10 years ago

When my boyfriend gives me a hug during an argument, it looks loving, but I'm just patting him down to make sure he's not wearing a wire.

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Luz Joy @LuzJoy2

5 years ago

I want to be this little snowflake that twirls in the wind. Then melt in a mountain stream and travel from river to river to the ocean to hear the sweet song of the mermaids.