m. @mxduka

This raises a good point of the reverse of that situation. What if you’re chosen as a life partner because you’re the person’s spec? What started out as a complement can very quickly become a prison. If he gets with you cos of your face card, what if you’re in a fire that burns off half of your face or even prettier women come his way? Or if she gets with you for money but your situation changes or she come into her own money and no longer see yours as valuable? Everyone wants to be seen and chosen for who they are not as a mirror of their partner’s fantasies because situations change so do fantasies and no one wants to feel like they’re constantly auditioning for their role in their partner’s live. It wreaks havoc on the nervous system as you’re living with a certain level of anxiety in your subconscious even if you’re pretending to yourself and others that you’re fine, it’s there. I would hope that as we choose the people we go on the journey of life with, we decenter our ego and our fantasies and we truly open our eyes and hearts to see our partners for who they are. Because sharing 40/50years of your life with someone who truly sees and accepts you in all your complexity is a truly beautiful thing that’s worth pursuing.

Aláshelà @TheYemiKing

a day ago

I have maintained for the better part of over a decade that one should NOT marry anyone who sees one as his or her spec. Because WHEN life happens, and you no longer have the capacity to be that spec, that's when you'll see the height of revulsion directed at you

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Don't make your spouse sound like the consolation prize in your own growth. A lot of people say "my partner was not my spec" as if they are being emotionally mature, but half the time they are just preserving an old fantasy & asking their partner to feel honoured that they were chosen above it. There are kinder ways to say you grew up. Your "spec" may have been formed when beauty meant whatever your friends, music videos & insecure boyhood talk had agreed to praise. If life later teaches you better, thank the person who opened your eyes. Do not make them stand beside the old fantasy forever. It can even be cruel. & they may struggle to tell you because they love you, or are still held down by insecurity. You may think you're saying "I chose substance over my spec", but your partner may hear that there is still some private image they're being measured against. Love should not require someone to keep competing with a fantasy your younger self invented. Do not turn an old shallow preference into a permanent footnote on someone who is sharing a life with you.

Jade Osiberu @jadeosiberu

2 days ago

I know a number of people who didn’t marry their “spec” but are in the healthiest marriages I know. Their spec was typically whatever was culturally deemed to be at the apex of the attractiveness pyramid when they were growing up. For a lot of guys in my generation, it was the

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I know a number of people who didn’t marry their “spec” but are in the healthiest marriages I know. Their spec was typically whatever was culturally deemed to be at the apex of the attractiveness pyramid when they were growing up. For a lot of guys in my generation, it was the music video “vixens” from the late 90s/early 2000s Hip & R&B music videos with ‘coke bottle figures’ and or light skinned eurocentric features. When it’s time to find a partner for the very serious endeavor of sharing a life with, that “spec” is simply inadequate as a measure of compatibility and that’s understandable. The foolishness though is communicating it as though their partner somehow didn’t measure up to their “spec” instead of simply admitting that the idea of their spec was stupid all along and a young boy’s lack of wisdom of what makes a good life partner. Communicating publicly or even privately to your partner that they weren’t your spec to begin with may seem harmless, after-all you’re just being honest. But subconsciously, it’s an ego trip for you who “settled” and for your the partner, it’s a chip they will always carry on their shoulder that to you, they aren’t quite enough. They’re missing something you had always longed for, so much so that you still consider it to be your “spec”. It’s an unnecessary mind fuck and a cruel thing to say about somebody who is sharing a life with you. No matter how flowery you are with the compliments that come after. You’ve already knocked them down several pegs. If the point is to say your spec changed then talk about the stupidity of having a spec to begin with. Because I’ve never heard anyone in these situations talk about character attributes being their spec, it’s always superficial stuff. Or speak about how meeting your partner opened your eyes to what true beauty is. Speak in ways that elevate and affirm your partner.

u have to consider the possibility that god does not like u

🗿 @Boymanag3r

3 days ago

I write song,enter studio burst cry 💔

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mr ogbeni SIUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU.

Path @isiakaCodes

3 days ago

I hate inconsiderate people so much. So people should not sleep because of your enjoyment, this same people will complain of night vigil, church and mosque noises. Irritants.

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They tryna make being a creative a rich person’s thing don’t let them

over-respectfulness fit turn man to mumu

I've always respected and admired Ireti Doyle, but after watching this interview, my respect for her deepened even more. I sincerely appreciate that she refused to oblige the interviewer. I strongly doubt that question was ever part of the agreed interview. It seemed the interviewer thought she could ambush Ireti with it, but I loved how Ireti stood her ground. Judging by her reaction, she clearly wasn't expecting that response. People just expect you to come online to wail. Imagine the question.

YabaLeftOnline @yabaleftonline

4 days ago

“My husband doesn’t have a problem with me kissing other actors; the wives of my colleagues are all comfortable with me. I can do every other thing but “iranu” is not one of it” — Toyin Abraham

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wicked sweetie prince.

skywalker.🅴🇵🇹 @ntmgfrvr

4 days ago

lawrence chibuike ikemefuna, so you’re a prince?😂😭😭😭😭

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Omoo that last part touch everybody TuffKing na king @TuffKingisrael_ @TUFFKING_1

Dre Foryoursoul🌱🧘🏿‍♂️ @dre_foryoursoul

5 days ago

This guy, few months before the major limelight, he was freestyling on tiktok in his bedroom and he hit a note and burst into tears immediately he said "are you feeling good i swear" na so me too burst into tears, i understood like maddddd.

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My mum owns a primary and secondary school somewhere in Akeja, Ogun Sate. There is this man, Papilo, a supplier who handles FMCG products in that area. He comes Tuesdays, Thursdays, and Fridays. Sundays are for my mum and other school owners stocking up for students during break. He is not the only one. They are everywhere like that. One thing I know is that most of these sellers don’t pay him immediately, They pay on the next supply day or after a week. Sometimes it stretches to 3 supplies before payment clears. I've watched him argue back and forth with customers who say no money yet. He still gives them all or little. I've seen this for over 15 years growing up. This is the practice across every informal market in Nigeria. This is Africa’s informal supply chain. Papilo knows all his customers. He knows their children’s names. He argues, negotiates, and finds a middle ground. No App or AI can replicate this. Papilo now runs plenty of small kekes distributed all over Akeja and beyond. In African businesses, relationships aren’t just nice-to-haves. They are part of the infrastructure. And this is where the majority of our builders get it wrong. A techie once went to get bread at a store and stumbles on a sole distributor supplying them wines. He thinks “so this is how these get their stocks” he goes home to google the numbers and sees millions of retailers, no central database, orders on phone call, cash payments, manual records. He sees the classic Manufacturer → Distributor → Wholesaler → Retailer chain and he goes “yes! This is a gap. This is untapped. I can build this on an app”. Actually, he is right. But here is what he missed; The supplier extends credit The wholesaler knows who always pays at each time. The sales rep knows whose child just got admitted into university. The delivery driver knows which shop opens late or earlier None of this can fit in an app database because they are the everyday circumstantial reality of Nigerian business owners. Your app can’t document this. A retailer doesn’t always buy from who is cheaper. She buys from who’s delivered consistently for years. The one who lets her pay next week. The one who picks up the phone immediately there is a problem. See your app can calculate credit just fine. But the distributor knows Mama Olomi missed payment because her shop flooded last week. That context is the business in this part of the world. You will think funding fixes this but marketForce had $42M and still died. Sendy had $27M, Medsaf had $7M. Your investors will push you to the usual playbook; free delivery, discounts, cashback, promotions, etc and growth will look incredible at first but the moment the subsidies disappear, you will start to compete with relationships using economics alone. Then you’d realize your capital didn't buy survival, it brought speed to a broken model. Somebody say Reality! Now let’s look at the ones who didn’t die. They simply mutated. Sabi moved into traceability/export infra. OmniRetail leaned into embedded finance. Sendy’s co-founder built TABB on trade credit data. Rather than say we’re replacing distributors, they became the operating system behind the distributors helping them; 📍 Manage inventory 📍 Collect payment 📍 Access financing 📍 Discover retailers 📍 Forecast demand 📍 Coordinate logistics This is the lesson for anyone building in African informal market. Don’t ask How do i remove the middleman Ask, what valuable job is the middleman doing that technology can make easier? Don’t compete with the market woman, equip her. Build the layer she can’t build herself (credit history, verified supply chains, payment infrastructure, etc). This is because Africa’s distribution problem was never about apps vs humans. It’s about who controls the trust layer. Build that, not the marketplace. @blocstreets

Yewande @LionessAtEase

a week ago

The real reason B2B supply chain startups fail in Africa is because they try to replace human relationship with an app.

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they called me crazy

FAREEDA KIRI🌹🌹🌹🌹 @Faridatu001

6 days ago

The difference between using a toilet paper and water after pooping …

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If someone in your house looks dead, don't call the police. You are automatically digging your grave, if you know how Nigerian Police takes these matters especially if you don't have money. You go suffer. Under the law, you are presumed innocent until proven guilty, but once you report to the police you will be presumed guilty until proven innocent which can take years. Take the person to the nearest hospital, it is the duty of a doctor to declare someone dead and also since you are not a doctor, you may be wrong to think the person is already dead. Taking the person to the hospital gives them a chance to be resuscitated by the doctors and if they fail to revive the person, they can then declare the person dead. That is when you can then call your lawyer. If you don't have a lawyer already, we built @UseCaseRadar for you so you can easily sign up at caseradar.ai or download the Case Radar app and connect with lawyers no matter the time and no matter the place you are. You should only report crimes to the police and since you didn't kill the person, I really don't know why you are reporting yourself to the police. If I were to be your lawyer, and you contact me, the next thing would be to help you contact the family of the person. The family can then report to the police themselves if they have reasonable grounds to suspect that you killed the person and we can take it up from there.

LIBERTY @biggiestliberty

a week ago

If babe die for your place, what’s the best option.

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One of the reasons I stopped seriously writing satire is that I came to my own Peter Cook moment. Cook, the brightest of the British satire boom, watched the movement he helped build curdle into something he no longer recognized as resistance. He had once joked that his comedy club was modelled on the Berlin cabarets that did so much to stop the rise of Hitler — a joke that contained, even then, at least some admission of satire’s limits. By the mid-1960s, the joke had stopped being funny even to him. He said Britain was sinking, giggling into the sea. It was drowning in its own laughter, amused to the very end, entertained all the way to death. There’s a sketch he wrote, less quoted than the line itself, where a group of young journalists who have sold their souls to a newspaper proprietor console themselves by sniggering at him behind their hands at his cocktail parties. A snigger here, a snigger there, one of them says, as if it adds up to something. It doesn’t. It is important that he implies that a snigger isn’t a form of protest. It is what one turns to when one lacks the courage, or the institutional standing, or the political opening, to do anything else. It replaces the fight rather than starting one. I had a very successful column, as well as multiple series in different satirical styles, from the How To series (which became a book), to my love letters to General Buhari. I enjoyed the task, and saw myself aspiring to be an heir to satirists like Peter Enahoro (Peter Pan) who wrote How To Be a Nigerian in the 1960s. But like Cook, I also saw that Nigerians were sinking giggling into the sea. I felt and still feel complicit in the facetious distractions and the trivialisation of crimes and dysfunction so bad Nigeria could be a ravaged war zone without any order or functional institutions. I always say that the effectiveness of satire is directly proportional to the ability of a society to feel shame. Nigeria is a post shame society. As we say, you cannot shame the shameless. What good is mockery of power when power is impervious to mockery? Where the mirror that you hold up to power is shattered beyond repair? And so if you ask, when you criticise Nigerians making jokes at a time when the country is sinking, when people die daily at rates worthy of a war torn country, did you not do the same thing by writing a book of satire, the above is part of my response. I could of course try to distinguish my work from the banal humor in the skits that respond to the criminal actions and inaction of politicians, but that would be the easy answer. Nigeria is at such a dangerous point that there is nothing to laugh about, even if the laughter directly mocks power.

God btw, I dey kuku try believe in am but sometimes the whining too much

Bandits kidnapped a medical doctor. They tied him up, set up fire, grabbed his hand and put it inside the burning fire. Everyday, they burn a portion of his hand while he watched & screamed of severe pain. They kept burning the hand daily until they reached his shoulder. They then collected 15 million naira ransom and still killed him. These are the animals government wants to forgive & reward with free houses.

Abdool Moh. @abdool_moh

a week ago

Another day, another massacre of northern lives with zero outrage on the media. A regular day in Northern Nigeria under Tinubu meanwhile the top voices in the North have been turned to political slaves by the very people who have failed to secure these innocent lives. Sayaya

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SLICK 🫟👀

King Ron the first european to kill himself for africa

yeriii🇵🇹 @monkeydyeri

3 weeks ago

ronaldo refusing to add two african nations on his road to 1000 goals body count

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If you are a Nigerian student with strong academic ability and wish to study in the US on a full scholarship, register now: ng.usembassy.gov/educationusa-o… Children in privileged private schools have enjoyed this for years. It’s open to any child from any school regardless of your family background. It closes in 9 days.

fun fact: I made this song, inspired by a beautiful visual artist. I met her skating, and she took a picture of me with her camera. I loved the picture so much, it was the sole inspiration and cover art for my album, Tranquil. I decided to make a song about her. here it is: