Tales of a Waffle House Server. @AutisticDad23
My Nanna's Tupperware dishes are insured. https://t.co/vQlU6tmbqj mobile.twitter.com/search/from:@A… MI Joined December 2016-
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Okay, hear me out...
Okay, you can kiss my head.
Heaven, twenty minutes after Richard Simmons passes away:
Taking the butt plug out of a new vape heals me spiritually.
Goodwill is basically jail that sells clothes.
Jolly Ranchers are just gay Tootsie Rolls.
Who called it homosexuality and not double dicking?
Tales of a Waffle House Server. retweeted
If I'm making direct eye contact with you while pulling my earrings off and putting my hair up, either something awesome is about to happen to you or something terrible. No in-between.
I'm sorry, but your newborn will always remind me of one of these three guys.
Men, despite what society has told us most of our lives, it isn't always our fault.
When southern women get broken up with, they'll soak an entire town in kerosene, take a Louisville Slugger to your truck, poison your black eyed peas, wrap you in a tarp, throw you off a cliff, and start a roadside stand out on highway 109 like nothing happened.
When southern men get broken up with, they go to the bar and get hammered.
Tales of a Waffle House Server. retweeted
One time I was dating this guy and things escalated after some drinks. In the middle of everything he threw me a curve ball and called me Jezebel. I wasn’t sure what to say to go all Bible on him, so I called him Moses and told him to show me the rod of god. What a weird night
@Girl_Censored Freckles. Vacuum lines. Music on her playlist was literally the same as mine.
@Girl_Censored Girly Penmanship.
Tales of a Waffle House Server. retweeted
What do you call someone who tells you what you want to hear and then disappears?
If I ever win the lottery, I won't tell anyone, but there will be signs.
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