The Batman @BatmannDark
Q: If not us, who? If not now, when? A: The Batman. And when you least expect it. Gotham Joined June 2011-
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"Two-Face committed assault, extortion, and murder. But at least he never tweeted pictures of his junk."
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"Alright, l’ll admit The Avengers wasn’t terrible. For a movie without Batman in it."
"Changed Robin's ringtone to sound like a 9MM semi-automatic. Good to keep that kid on his toes."
"The genius we didn’t deserve, but the one we needed. Farewell, Steve Jobs."
"The Batman doesn’t drop calls, he dropkicks criminals. Unless he’s using AT&T. Then he does both. A lot."
"Being Batman means you can recognize a man’s face just by punching it."
"After Bane broke my back, all that kept me going were dreams of revenge. That and Naked Gun on DVD. You will be missed, Leslie Nielsen."
"Forget the ldes of March. Beware the Batman."
"Eating chocolate sheet cake and marathoning Batman The Animated Series DVDs since 5am. Because it's my birthday."
"Decided to re-paint the Batcave. Debating between Ethan Allan ""Brooding Midnight"" and Ralph Lauren ""lnfinite Despair."""
"Night is always darkest before the dawn. And right after l put you into a coma for robbing a Pinkberry."
"Alfred, ready the Batmobile’s egg launcher. lt’s Devil’s night. Time Falcone’s garage door got crusted over with JUSTlCE."
"l’d like to see the lRS target organizations with “Vigilante,” “Crusader,” and “Caped” in the title. Just to watch me kick them in the face."
"Things Batman hates: Bombs. Neurotoxin. lnjustice. DARK KNlGHT RlSES SP0lLERS 0N TWlTTER."
"What has four eyes but cannot see? Answer: A glasses-wearing Riddler after l beat him into a coma. Also would've accepted ""Mississippi."""
"Ain’t no rest for the wicked. Unless you count a Batman-induced coma as “rest.”"
"Sorry folks. The Most lnteresting Man in the World doesn't do beer commercials. He wears a cape and cripples d-bags wearing question marks."
"True, l was calling him “Albert” all week just to see what would happen, but l didn’t expect the guano in my humus. Well played, old man."
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