CynicalTurtle @CynicalTurtle
Fairy non-bio. Over there. Joined January 2011-
Tweets49K
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Following159
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CynicalTurtle retweeted
That mauled by the tigers shite is the cringiest thing in the world, but imagine how much it would rattle you to be on the receiving end of it 😂😭
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CynicalTurtle retweeted
If Japan did the EU bottle stuff, you would say it's living in 2050.
CynicalTurtle retweeted
We could've avoided weeks of drought by just scheduling test matches earlier.
Rain stops play with two balls remaining in the 10th over ☔️
CynicalTurtle retweeted
😲 "THAT IS RIDICULOUS!"
CynicalTurtle retweeted
Fucking guy is called Andy BURNham and yet he won't let people set fire to things. What a cunt.
CynicalTurtle retweeted
That warning message made me jump. Almost dropped my disposable barbecue and gallon of petrol.
CynicalTurtle retweeted
So happy that the UK government uses the same alert system which tells you if you’re about to get nuked to ask you to please not have a bbq
We are running 45 minutes late. On behalf of Grand Central we apologise for any inconvenience but we won't offer Delay Repay under 60 minutes. What is Andy Burnham's plan for locking up train bosses in the Tower of London?
You could be having the worst day of your life and then you get on a train carriage where not one person has heard of headphones or muting their phone.
CynicalTurtle retweeted
Bit of a scare for England: Emilio Gay has retired hurt with a shoulder issue while playing for Durham in the MetroBank. All looked very innocuous
CynicalTurtle retweeted
CynicalTurtle retweeted
Millennials:
Whatever one thinks about this clip, today’s children will likely never forgive the insane national debt that millennials, Gen X, Boomers and others are saddling them with. Debt held by the public will reach 175 percent of GDP by 2056. cbo.gov/publication/62…
CynicalTurtle retweeted
This is like being a meth head and asking someone who's never done meth how they're going to get through their day without meth
CynicalTurtle retweeted
The most selfless cricketer we’ve probably ever had. Was always going to take it for the good of the team. I just hope it doesn’t effect his batting too much or deprive us other another couple of years of watching him bat because it takes too much out of him
CynicalTurtle retweeted
I’m starting to think Michael Clarke clicked his fingers in the Ashes Test Stuart Broad is an honest gentleman, he would’ve walked
Mind you DHSC's second HQ is already in Leeds.
🚨 NEW: Andy Burnham is setting up a "Department for Health and Social Care North" in Leeds [@bethanymrd]
CynicalTurtle retweeted
A massive risk here of hastening the end of our greatest ever batter after already pointlessly hastening the end of our greatest ever bowler, but hey, at least Rob Key is still in position.
Joe Root is set to be reappointed as England's Test captain with his second stint in the role potentially to extend through to next summer's home series against Australia. The 35-year-old, England's leading Test run scorer, will be in charge against Pakistan next month, and is
CynicalTurtle retweeted
Can't believe we've got a Prime Minister called Andy. Incredibly undignified. That's a painter and decorator's name.
CynicalTurtle retweeted
The UK is a country obsessed with class, but has no idea what it is.
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