Fake EOIR @FakeEOIR

Being a DHS trial attorney is like lawyering while in a hammock on a beach, with the judge handing you cool drinks on one side and the Congress on the other fanning you off while they both cheer you on.

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Fake EOIR @FakeEOIR

5 years ago

Due to our landlord being a total chode, EOIR is suspending operations at the Houston - Smith Street Immigration Court. If anyone has a couch we can crash on until we get our security deposit back, that would be mint.

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Fake EOIR @FakeEOIR

5 years ago

Tips for a Successful Webex Hearing #1: Call in by video using your computer, and also dial in using your phone. Do not mute either device. This will result in an infinite, horrifying echo, which we find really drives home the hopelessness of the situation in our courtrooms.

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Fake EOIR @FakeEOIR

5 years ago

Due to COVID-19, hearings for unrepresented, non-detained respondents will be postponed. Represented respondents and their counsel are invited to fuck off and die.

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Fake EOIR @FakeEOIR

5 years ago

@Banishhh Don't get your hopes up that we won't start scheduling hearings for weekends and holidays.

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Fake EOIR @FakeEOIR

5 years ago

It'd be a shame if we set your individual hearing for 12/26 and then cancelled it without notice or explanation, wouldn't it? 😏

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Fake EOIR @FakeEOIR

5 years ago

@LirrNihilist @CrystaLiteTini @msolurin Hey can we just get some LIRR parody tweets instead?

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Fake EOIR @FakeEOIR

5 years ago

The Philadelphia Immigration Court closed early today to settle a long-forgotten flip cup rivalry.

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Fake EOIR @FakeEOIR

5 years ago

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Fake EOIR @FakeEOIR

5 years ago

If you thought recordings of these hearings sounded underwater before, just wait until we get this train wreck a-rollin'.

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Fake EOIR @FakeEOIR

5 years ago

Operational Status Update: Due to inclement weather, the Elizabeth, Newark, New York - Broadway, New York - Federal Plaza, and New York - Varick immigration courts will be merged into one big underwater mega court (Atlantis Immigration Court).

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Fake EOIR @FakeEOIR

5 years ago

Sorry we've been gone for a while. The Biden administration's wish for EOIR is that we do as close to absolutely fucking nothing as possible, so we've been going with that.

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Fake EOIR @FakeEOIR

5 years ago

Were we... supposed to be pretending up until now?

Alexandra Brodsky @azbrodsky

5 years ago

It is hard to go to work on a day like today and pretend that law--precedent, argument, logic--matters

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Fake EOIR @FakeEOIR

5 years ago

EOIR is pleased to announce that we have hired several more people who you'll have to explain the categorical approach to, possibly for the first time ever.