A Guy With Tweets @GuyWithTweets
Just a man and his iPhone. Making fun of the world one tweet at a time. Joined December 2011-
Tweets530
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Followers994
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Following1K
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Likes7
I heard Justin Bieber has a 10 inch dick, but it's in his ass, and belongs to Usher.
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One of the most frightening places of my childhood.
I force my dogs to watch those sad pet commercials so they know how good they have it.
I wish I could trade my heart for another liver so I could drink more and care less.
In a thousand years people will dig up tanning beds and think we fried people as punishment.
You know who wears sunglasses indoors? Blind people and assholes.
The rules of dating: Rule 1 -- Be attractive. Rule 2 -- Don't be unattractive.
I need a weekend after the weekend.
The saddest part of a movie is if the dog or an old person dies.
I'm sure he won't regret this...
Girls are too classy to watch porn but they'll read the fuck out of it. #50shadesofgrey
Whatever you do, always give 100%. Unless you're donating blood.
I hope Jessica Biel names her first child Batmo.
There's nothing good in my fridge. Maybe if I check again in 10 minutes something good will be in there.
I just realized that the movie Ted is about Stewie and Rupert all grown up.
The fakest thing about the new Spiderman movie is a teenager using Bing.
Alcohol doesn't solve any problems. But then again, neither does milk.
There are 2 types of people in this world. People who pee in the shower and dirty fucking liars.
I wish twitter had a down vote button.
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