Matthew Pippenger @JohnnyProvo

Trying to get Farm Aid tickets and @Ticketmaster is shitting the bed. If you're going to maintain a monopoly, please make sure your shit works. Seriously, you're awful.

@406Northlane I do think my quote is the best. 😂🤘🏼

@406Northlane 😥

I was chasing my 5 year old around in circles and thought about that scene where Brando chases his grandson in The Godfather. Then I realized I felt like he looked and suddenly it’s not so endearing.

Is anyone interested in a gently used 5 year old whose first language is sass? Strong with foul language. To be clear, I’m not asking for a friend. Free shipping.

Don't blame the internet and social media for society. It's not the fault of technology, it's the people that can't be trusted with it. It's like Cocoon. If Brian Dennehy came down from space to take it away from us because we're clearly not ready, we prbly deserve that.

Paul McCartney is 80 years old and he ripped through 36 songs last Saturday at Glastonbury proving there is still some magic in this world, you just have to look for it.

@mileszs Those times it sneaks up on you can be awfully cruel. Love ya buddy.

@406Northlane It was clear Sarge kicked out… 😂🤣

Episode 68 – Favorite WrestleMania Matches 406northlane.com/episode-68-fav…

I watch my kids cry when they don’t get what they want and all I can think of is “try being 8 years old and watching Atreyu struggle to pull Artex out of the swamps of sadness”. You don’t know real pain.

@HT_BK 💯 🟣

@mileszs Keef has outlived all our expectations in such grand fashion that I feel the world will legitimately be surprised when he dies. In 2076.

At 45, I have all the normal aches and pains. I grunt when I get up and talk about the weather more often. Those things are fine, but decreasing the resolution on my computer so I can see brought a level of shame to which I was unprepared.

Say what you will about Apple and their ridiculously overpriced hardware, but my watch just congratulated me for standing 12 minutes today and I’m legitimately in a better mood.

@mileszs Hopefully more so than a “coffee shower”

I understand Voldemort was a bad dude and all but Mariah Carey has that stupid Christmas song and we still say her name.

@mileszs If only they were are smart as you, and as sober as someone else.

If my kids don’t think Santa is a raging alcoholic after seeing the way I wrapped presents tonight, then they just aren’t paying enough attention. Merry Christmas to all!