androideyesocket @SizedMac
stand back I'm a professional Joined June 2020-
Tweets4K
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Followers67
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Following840
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Likes24K
androideyesocket retweeted
siri: call my prawns me: i didnr say that siri: calling 100 prawns
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androideyesocket retweeted
My actual ranking system: ½ - not None So Vile ★ - not None So Vile ★½ - not None So Vile ★★ - not None So Vile ★★½ - not None So Vile ★★★ - not None So Vile ★★★½ - not None So Vile ★★★★ - not None So Vile ★★★★½ - not None So Vile ★★★★★ - None So Vile
androideyesocket retweeted
Tsh. How’d you know I’m a gamer? (Her fingers gently caress my carpal tunnel scars as I turn away, ashamed) She grabs my head in her hands and locks eyes with me like she’s pressed R3 in a fromsoft title: Player two unlocked
androideyesocket retweeted
The only time I have experienced "FOMO" in my life is when I got kicked out of a Vietnamese sandwich restaurant at 11:30PM so the illegal vietnamese uncle gambling games could start in the back
androideyesocket retweeted
It's a rough life being a pro-Femstodes but anti-Femstartes guy 😔
androideyesocket retweeted
Y’all remember when we’d lock ourselves in a room with a knife and start counting down from 100 and listen to our parents panic? It was huge back in 2012 so y’all prob don’t remember it but it happened all the time.
androideyesocket retweeted
There is no such thing as illegal blood alcohol content while driving on stolen land
androideyesocket retweeted
My nephew wants me to “stop stuffin that junk in my arm” for his birthday day 😂
androideyesocket retweeted
a baby just blew vape smoke in MY face wtf
androideyesocket retweeted
the strokes: hey rick should we put autotune on every single song on our album for no reason? rick rubin (in the lotus position smiling serenely): I don’t know
androideyesocket retweeted
hit the pen and now my brain keeps saying “it’s cause you’re always on that damn marmalade” on loop and it won’t stop
androideyesocket retweeted
theyre serving buckets of lizard shit at my grandmas funeral
androideyesocket retweeted
THE REASON SOLDIERS ARE ADVISED TO FIRE IN SHORT, CONTROLLED BURSTS IS BECAUSE EVERY WEAPON HAS A FRAGMENT OF THE SOUL OF THE FIRST MURDERER IN IT AND THEY DONT WANT TO WAKE HIM UP
androideyesocket retweeted
just saw a gas station pill called "the 1986 challenger disaster" and i almost bought it
androideyesocket retweeted
androideyesocket retweeted
𝙋𝙧𝙤𝙡𝙚𝙩𝙖𝙧𝙞𝙖𝙣 𝙧𝙚𝙖𝙘𝙩𝙞𝙤𝙣 𝙩𝙤 𝙗𝙤𝙪𝙧𝙜𝙚𝙤𝙞𝙨𝙡𝙤𝙥 (𝙠-𝙥𝙤𝙥) 𝙫𝙨 𝙩𝙤 𝙈𝙧. 𝘽𝙚𝙖𝙣 (𝙥𝙧𝙤𝙡𝙚𝙜𝙚𝙢)
North Koreans reacting to watching a K-pop girl group for the first time (2018).
@theOldCrane excited for the next chapter, fav is vexarius
androideyesocket retweeted
please, wear your nice clothes everyday. the special occasion is being alive.
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