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. @chowminimum

Joined November 2013
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. @chowminimum

9 years ago

'Is that your dog?' 'No. actually she's adopted... we were unable to conceive a dog naturally ourselves'

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. @chowminimum

9 years ago

Just once I'd like to have the confidence to order something off of a menu without having to look at the menu while I'm ordering it.

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. @chowminimum

9 years ago

Shout out to all the frozen desserts out there. Step to me with a dessert that ain't frozen and I'll snap your damn face off

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. @chowminimum

9 years ago

It would have been really ironic if Andy Dick's parents had named him Hugh.

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. @chowminimum

9 years ago

I got mugged in college by a gang of Asians. Two of them held me down and a third corrected my math homework before fleeing into the night.

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. @chowminimum

9 years ago

Went to Whole Foods today. because we needed $157 worth of pesto and breads that will be stale in an hour.

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. @chowminimum

9 years ago

It's gonna be a long day. I can wait to get home and curl up with a good Internet.

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. @chowminimum

9 years ago

Im pretty sure this new iTunes update is gonna turn things around for me.

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. @chowminimum

9 years ago

Barber pointed out my new gray hairs and said I looked refined. I hope someone tells him the key marks on his car looks like racing stripes.

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. @chowminimum

9 years ago

In the trailer for the fourth Transformers movie a guy says 'what the hell is that' when a Transformer approaches. THE FOURTH MOVIE.

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. @chowminimum

9 years ago

I just bought a new pair of sunglasses for whoever finds them in 3 weeks.

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. @chowminimum

9 years ago

In general. the wronger it is. the louder its shouted.

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. @chowminimum

9 years ago

You may think a squirt of water in the face is the best way to reprimand cats but turns out it works pretty well on people too.

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. @chowminimum

9 years ago

I've been getting a lot more use out of my treadmill since I put a blanket and pillow on it.

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. @chowminimum

9 years ago

Some dude was bragging about his brother being a navy seal and it's like...I don't care what colour he is. why is your brother a seal

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. @chowminimum

9 years ago

I like working with you. I feel like I can really talk to you

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. @chowminimum

9 years ago

There is a new trend in our office; everyone is putting names on their food. I saw it today. while I was eating a sandwich named Kevin.

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. @chowminimum

9 years ago

Keep calm and stop making different versions of that keep calm poster.

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. @chowminimum

9 years ago

Just spent another day totally agreeing with everything pretty girls say.

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. @chowminimum

9 years ago

I'd be so much more successful if some of my ancestors had just married better.

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