maths maths maths maths maths maths maths maths ma @deepcuriosity9

I have been struggling with this ever since I acquired fuck you money. The issue for me is that I tried to do many things and gave up on them the first time I had a big win. This is a personality trait of mine, and I’ve come to live with it: I am a sore winner. As soon as I win one stage of a game, I immediately lose interest in the game itself and start to think about how I can beat the game. Remember, winning and beating a game are very different. As a result, the things I tried to do were never fully done. I never became a novelist, I left academia a couple of years into my first tenure-track job, I abandoned journalism because it didn’t pay enough, and then when I finally found something that I could do for a long period of time—sell-side research—I tried to maximizing the pay and minimizing the hours I worked at that job instead of trying to go to the next stage of the game, which would be to go buyside (and then move up to PM and then principal and then become a Dan Loeb type). Then when I had enough money that I didn’t need to keep working, I looked back and realized that I didn’t become a novelist because I’m not that guy. I didn’t become a professor because I’m not that guy. I didn’t become a journalist because I'm not that guy. I didn’t become a hedge fund tycoon because I’m not that guy. But the guy that I am emerged throughout all of it: I am a cool island guy. I’m borrowing that phrase from a great philosopher, but it means what it says: I’m just a guy, and I’m a guy who needs to be on an island of some sort, and only then can I be cool. And it’s really quite horrifying to realize you’ve spent your entire life escaping being that guy when you thought you were trying to be that other guy. And as a result, you became that other other guy which was never your target. The mistake was always having a target. Goals are for suckers. I should’ve just let myself be. But I cannot tell you this, because maybe you have a different personality to me. Maybe you’re less desperate than I was. Maybe you weren’t threatened as much. Or maybe you just weren’t as scared as I was, so you can just lazily stay at home and goon and not be scared of loneliness, or you can just lazily stay at home and not work and not be scared of destitution, or you can just lazily stay at home and not study and not be scared of being stupid. What drove me was always not being that guy. It was never becoming that guy. Negative hagiography is my religion. I don’t want to go to Heaven—I want to escape Hell. And I did, and that should be enough. It really should. I want it to be enough. I pray that it be enough. But it’s not enough. For now. Da mihi mortalitatem et continentiam, sed noli modo

machine yearning engineer @confusionm8trix

2 months ago

currently in the middle of one of the most difficult parts of growing up so far: coming to terms with the fact that, in many areas, I am simply not that guy

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but really a wordcel is just another type of shape rotator

wordcels vs shape rotators

@BigMandelbrot Oh wait retarded mothers make retarded embryos Never mind I checkmated myself there

@BigMandelbrot Regression to the mean happens from retarded mothers not from bad embryos

Newton’s 2 years off college was the most astounding display in history of high IQ with unrestrained creative time. “In those days, I was in the prime of my age for invention” (23ys old)

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don't scroll for the sake of scrolling. go touch grass and read a book or some shit. scroll with a purpose

Or how well disposed would you have to become to yourself and to life to crave nothing more fervently than this ultimate eternal confirmation and seal?

If this thought were to gain possession of you, it would change you as you are, or perhaps crush you. The question in each and every thing, “do you want this once more and innumerable times more?” would lie upon your actions as the greatest weight.

What, if some day or night, a demon were to steal after you into your loneliest loneliness and say to you: ‘This life, as you now live it and have lived it, you will have to live once more and innumerable times more; and there will be nothing new in it,

scrolling twitter is awfully meaningless the same bile refluxed up over and over and over eternal recurrence

your brain is the most neuroplastic in the first 60 mins after waking up. do what you will with that information.

To EVERYONE, including all haters and losers, HAPPY NEW YEAR. Work hard, be smart and always remember, WINNING TAKES CARE OF EVERYTHING!

civilization is not zero-sum and it is about making far more than one consumes. be a maker.

all my timelines are awful slop because i can't control my brain and attention. no more social media unless i have proper output.

FOCUS on games that excites you. DO NOT FOCUS on games that bore you. THAT is the meaning of life.