flex_22 @flex_22

Joined August 2008

Tweets

5K
Followers

206
Following

2K
Likes

7K

pinkie @pinkamaniaa

2 days ago

wow I’m so glad I turned that barely noticeable pimple into an open wound

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Arbaz kakkar @arbazkakkar5

3 days ago

Got the COVID vax and 5 years later—BOOM! Starter goes out in my Camry

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My son, 7, has discovered “deez nuts” jokes and it’s all he says now. Everything is deez nuts. He simply can’t stop. I asked him where he heard that joke. He made me promise that if he told me, he wouldn’t get in trouble. I agreed. So he leans in and whispers, “deez nuts.”

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Ethan Sacoransky @blizzardof96

6 days ago

The ECMWF seasonal model is forecasting what could be the warmest winter on record across Canada, largely driven by the tropical pacific super El Niño

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BRI @BriMalandro

5 days ago

My grandad used to say “half the day already gone” if you wake up after 9am and I thought it was so funny and dramatic but I get him now

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NATI JOTA 🎪🧜🏼‍♀️ @natijota

5 days ago

El video q me manda mi mamá preguntándome si es IA

soliraw🇧🇷 @belindomita

5 days ago

*Mi alarma sonando durante 10 minutos* Yo en mis sueños:

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Cowboy @COWBS

6 days ago

when your cat hears you talking about jimothy all day instead of him.

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ems 🫧 @atotalposer

7 days ago

at the library. why is every new book called “a crown of knives and glass” or “the candlestick maker’s daughter” or “the last rose blooms at dusk” or “the fractured fragments of our souls”

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The Figen @TheFigen_

7 days ago

A Scottish Highland cow, just 2 hours old. 🤗🤗

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British Banter @UKMemes2026

6 days ago

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here’s something @ive_arc

a week ago

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Patrick Byrne @PatrickByrne

a week ago

If you’re not following this account of a Japanese man abroad in America, you should be.

NOBUNAGA🇯🇵🏯_夏樹蒼依 @japan_nobunaga

a week ago

I needed to move a sofa. I mentioned this to an American. He said, "You know anybody with a truck?" I did not know anybody with a truck. He looked at me with real concern. Not pity. Concern. The way you look at a man who has told you he does not have a name. "You gotta know

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jackie @thejacqinthebox

a week ago

where else can you buy a curling broom, kitchen aid mixer, an oil change, a barbecue, an outboard motor, your entire garden, a gun & chocolate covered pretzels

viviolet @violetrose1410

a week ago

Watching Americans try to figure out what Canadian Tire is and the best way I can explain it is if you had a labyrinth designed by a hoarder uncle

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Thomas Mirus @CatholicPods

a week ago

Today during Mass a cell phone went off 4 or 5 times, being allowed to run its full course (so clearly an old person). The last time, after communion, the organist immediately launched into a lengthy improvisation on the ringtone melody.

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🎮 @foreeeeeal

a week ago

Mythical creatures make a lot more sense when you realise humanity spent hundreds of thousands of years without glasses or any form of eyesight aid.

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🎮 @foreeeeeal

2 weeks ago

The only time I have experienced "FOMO" in my life is when I got kicked out of a Vietnamese sandwich restaurant at 11:30PM so the illegal vietnamese uncle gambling games could start in the back

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Shrimp Billionaire @fentanylbrownie

a week ago

Not a fan of being asked if it’s “my first time” visiting a restaurant. It’s not gonna be that crazy bro.

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Victoria @cozyvictoria

2 weeks ago

Someone sneezed so I said bless you & then I sneezed literally a minute later & she didn’t say it back. Be careful out there guys there’s a lot of evil spirited people walking among us in society

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🎮 @foreeeeeal

2 weeks ago

I have not been able to stop thinking about this small French child at the aquarium that walked i.e up next to us grabbing his mom's hand, pointed at a starfish, and said "Mama! Patrique!"