p @ph9822
texas ex. future therapist. she/her. Joined October 2021-
Tweets5K
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Followers291
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Following337
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Likes29K
Sunnydale high doesn’t have an enforced dress code because they’ve got bigger things to fry like the swim team becoming Soviet Union fish monsters and the principles being eaten repeatedly
i’m kind of annoyed because if you ever tell any medical professional that you’ve smoked weed even one time they will always suggest that you have cannabinoid hyperemesis syndrome even if you are dying of the bubonic plague
Just got off the phone with Mitch McConnell, he told me aahhh shit it’s hot fuck there’s so much fire oh god reagans here too fuckkkk
I love my stepmom I think she deserves to hit my dad sometimes as a treat
A man you don’t like and find annoying will be like “you really remind me of Aubrey Plaza.”
old woman at work shit in the middle of the lobby right in front of reception at like 9 am. alright
he used to be my ultimate nemesis but now i think we have a more respectful rivalry based on honorable combat and the warrior's code
when is neglected daughter day
he also spent both days posting on snapchat why is my dad my longest and worst situationship in a way
dad declined my call and texted that he’d call back then never did which is exactly what he did on his birthday this year. i’m not calling this bitch ever again
Guys that work at weed dispensaries are like “No bro I swear it’s not gonna feel like you’ve been wrapped with bandages and locked in a sarcophagus for 2 thousand years” meanwhile the strain is named The Mummy’s Curse Comes True
The one where the owner thinks his bar is haunted and Jon Taffer yells “DOES THE GHOST HAVE A GUN? DOES THE GHOST HAVE A KNIFE? THEN WHAT CAN IT DO TO YOU?!” had unironically become my go-to CBT defense against some of my more irrational anxieties
Bar Rescue has the classic "20 minutes of content in 40 minutes of television" problem but I've been rewatching some older episodes and there's so much unintentional gold like this. incredible artifact
@Boilers32 It most definitely was not. I would never have forgotten my drugs.
therapist told me my brain is treating me the way my parents did when i was a child OUCH
guy i went to hs with posting how proud he is of his son’s kindergarten graduation with an ai paragraph we’re so cooked as a society
Va a pasar una cosa super graciosa con las polillas de tu habitación
Me: "I'm getting a humidifier so my rhinitis can finally give me a break." The humidifier: Simply decided my room is now London, 1800s.
i am gonna kill myself i accidentally selected the wrong image for my veterinary records for my new apartment and there isn’t a way to change it and this is the fucking picture i chose
like if you want kids to quit smoking idk if a cunty lil nickname is gonna help
found out the teachers at my dad’s high school used to refer to him as “the marlboro man” because he was always getting caught smoking and that does unfortunately go really hard
amanda rose @itsamandarg
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eli @elimelendrez99
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tonk, hold the honky @DstanfordHenry
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3K Followers 2K Following rgv & atx | texas ex | fighting for public ed in #txlege & beyond | views are my own
Dania⁷, Occasionall... @Rad_DaniaFaith
1K Followers 2K Following Texas Ex 🤘🏾🧡| #HookEm| bevo stan| #FTTB #PorVida
plant milkweed 🦋�... @byejudymoody
3K Followers 721 Following I told your girl all my cool animal facts now she can’t even look at your lame ass anymore…
runes @varunikask
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eli @elimelendrez99
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4K Followers 2K Following I am neither a man nor a muppet but a third more deeply complex thing… 25 - go birds, fuck ICE, free palestine @clownboytonk
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22K Followers 56 Following i post pictures and videos of deer all image rights go to their respective owners please dm for credit or submissions! 🦌
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149 Followers 436 Following tweeting into the void. my name is Noah and I like music. this is my journal. I am 25. part time NIN stan account. #gospursgo free 🇵🇸
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