randy @randyfactory

coors: our beer is different. it’s cold me: the other beers are cold too coors: how can u be sure me: they’re in refrigerators coors: yet their cans have remained the same color. seems very suspicious

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randy @randyfactory

5 years ago

[outside a cage the elephant show] |￣￣￣￣￣￣￣￣￣￣| | FREE HIM | |＿＿＿＿＿＿＿＿＿＿| \ (•_•) / \ / --- | |

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randy @randyfactory

5 years ago

@GoonerFields my old account is gone so i’m bringing a few of my favorites back. sorry if the 3 seconds it took to read this joke inconvenienced you, tim

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randy @randyfactory

5 years ago

billy joel: she’s an uptown girl me: where has she been living billy joel: ur not gonna believe this

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randy @randyfactory

5 years ago

@_jennatural back like i never left

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randy @randyfactory

5 years ago

@SimonRosth @GayWithBroadway nah i know i don’t think either of us copied the other, i just wanted to get it out there before ppl start accusing me

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randy @randyfactory

5 years ago

some guy a long time ago: it’s my birthday friends: nice. what if we all sang u a song about it while we all stare at u guy: i would hate it friends: oh ya we would too guy: perfect. let’s do that forever

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randy @randyfactory

5 years ago

@SimonRosth @GayWithBroadway complaining about the birthday song isn’t exactly an original idea, but i wrote this a year ago on my old account. i just searched and his tik tok skits weren’t posted until november

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randy @randyfactory

5 years ago

@gina_goldberg how bout this. we put the fire hazard on top of food that everyone will eat and then i’ll use my own spit to extinguish it

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randy @randyfactory

5 years ago

@nyquills everyone: what about u captain america: shiny frisbee

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randy @randyfactory

5 years ago

@alouettev i am once again asking people to stop accusing me of stealing my own tweets

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randy @randyfactory

5 years ago

how was “philosopher” ever a job lmao like was socrates sippin wine on a balcony somewhere drunkenly slurring shit like “to find urself, think for urself” with a crowd cheering underneath him like fuck yes socrates another banger this man will not miss