@sidewazed @sidewazed
The roof, the roof, the roof is on fire. Brisbane, Queensland Joined April 2010-
Tweets12K
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Followers1K
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Following1K
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Likes12K
@sidewazed retweeted
I still CANNOT believe humans were gifted a planet full of trees, fruit, water, animals and sunshine and then they invented debt, capitalism and war.
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@sidewazed retweeted
My favorite part of the Bible is when Jesus was alone talking to God, also known as himself, and someone who wasn’t there wrote all about it.
@sidewazed retweeted
Me: Some research suggests time is not a fundamental property of the universe and that it may simply be an illusion. That is, time exists only because particles interact and change relative to one another. Dentist's Assistant: Uh...you still owe the $35 missed appointment fee.
@sidewazed retweeted
Turns out my new bathroom air freshener scent “warm garlic bread” didn’t go over so well
@sidewazed retweeted
Lighten up guys, it was a mostly peaceful murder.
@sidewazed retweeted
People who use odd comparisons in their writing are like women with nipples like Butter Rum Lifesavers.
@sidewazed retweeted
My hobbies include liking replies to tweets posted 7 years ago.
@sidewazed retweeted
You named your baby Barbara? Does she drink gin?
@sidewazed retweeted
Trying to imagine how hungry the first person to eat cauliflower was.
@ViktorKlopp No one’s talking about the excellent instructional jingle
@Its_Fenni Lots of butter, lots of vegemite
@sidewazed retweeted
Men only have 5 moods: 1. Constantly horny 2. how we gonna get rich 3. Random 2 am motivation 4. Intense loneliness 5. My family needs me
@sidewazed retweeted
Just went to the servo to fill up in Darwin... saw a bloke at pump 3 put $10 in. I said where are you driving to mate? He said pump 4.
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