Jared Stern @sternanigans
"time flies like an arrow; fruit flies like a banana" - Groucho Marx Joined April 2009-
Tweets360
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Followers62
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Following75
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Likes209
So I guess this twitter thing is still around.
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Fist Fight is the opposite of Ferris Bueller's Day Off
Ever do laundry but dont put it away for a week and even though you know they’re clean they feel dirty so you wash them again yea me neither
Cracked pepper makes anything seem fancy
Jared Stern retweeted
I'm a: ⚬ Bitch ⚬ Lover ⚬ Child ⚬ Mother ⚬ Sinner ⚬ Saint 🔘 All of the above Do I feel ashamed? ⚬ Yes 🔘 No
You are until you're not, and then you will be forever
[Inventing passive aggression] Skeptics: But how will they know? Inventor: Oh... they'll know.
Jared Stern retweeted
If you think you look old in a Photo you just took, consider instead that you will never again be that young.
@McDonalds so... there's a man pleasuring himself for he entire drive thru line. Called your store 5 times. No response. Suggestions? lol
Got a couple breaking up at my bar right now. Gonna ask if they would like the check split
Anyone notice that in the new @normmacdonald special, his feet never move. Not once. Comedy was great, but I worry about his circulation
Jared Stern retweeted
Show me a Nation with a science-hostile government, and I'll show you a society with failing health, wealth, & security.
Watch @LindseyGrahamSC townhall on mute. He looks like the 3rd understudy for a Community Theatre's production of The Music Man
Netflix: Are you still watching? Me: My life? Slip away? Why yes, yes I am
Virginia in Texas @VirginiaInTexas
1K Followers 629 Following Feminist. Trekkie. 🖖🏻 ENM. I have Fibromyalgia and it sucks. She/her.
Jared Stern @jaredstern
1K Followers 616 Following Aspiring. @DCSuperPets. Green Eggs & Ham. @LEGOBatmanMovie. Happy Anniversary.
Christopher Papa @sevenonesixer
251 Followers 705 Following Hubby, Father to 5, Nonnu to 1; Digital Marketing guy; I build with wood for fun and sim race for glory. Lactose argumentative.
Funemployment @BlochMatheson
554 Followers 3K Following Copy Editor/Freelance V-O Artist, beltway resider, and political junkie. Fan of: horror, detective/crime fiction, sci fi, comic books, and comedy.
Brandon Alberda @brandonalberda
127 Followers 433 Following Husband | Girl Dad | Comedian | Podcaster @notesmcgotespod
Between Two Sterns @B2Sterns
56 Followers 89 Following Join the Jareds Stern (@FunnyJared/@sternanigans) in an exercise in benign narcissism as they explore their personal multiverse and constant need for attention.
Pokemon Go Bucks @PokemonGoBucks
28 Followers 19 Following Pokémon Go for Bucks County Pennsylvania Players
Janelle Martinez @Janelle88884
427 Followers 3K Following French inspired beauty salon.We love beauty therapy and we love our planet too! Colorado
monicamo108 @mojing108_lq
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𝘙𝘪𝘥𝘻⚡�... @LaDeeDaaDee
476 Followers 3K Following hello from a happy soul 🌸 #BlackLivesMatter #StopAsianHate #FreePalestine 🇵🇸
👑🐝 @69Beth69
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j!ii @scrfgrl
45 Followers 296 Following Friendly, funny, full of sarcasm, and in complete denial most days. Perfectly imperfect in everything I do.
Ali Spagnola @alispagnola
2.1M Followers 1.3M Following Music. Comedy. Fitness. Outrageous!.... I explain in the video here→https://t.co/ieA94HDzQu
Sandra @sabine672
5 Followers 60 Following
@[email protected]... @JonBaker
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Ashley Erin @ashleyerinkt
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krystal osborne @krystalosborne
65 Followers 240 Following comedian. writer. director. actress. incredible high fiver. try me.
Guy Ranting @AGuyRanting
110 Followers 379 Following There comes a time when you just have to say what you think. Know what I mean?
Alex Tomlinson @MEG_A_TOM
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merr kerrt @mk__miller
238 Followers 223 Following My father always said it best, burn the world down til there’s nothing left.
Chad E C @MrAmbitious1090
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mommaunfiltered @MommaUnfiltered
15K Followers 674 Following as the mother of a 25, 15, & 12YO I’m uniquely qualified to say kids suck at any age
Mr. Onederful® @ericonederful
22K Followers 15K Following Comedy writer | Featured on @reddit, @eentertainment , @knowyourmeme , @yahoo , and more! 🎙️📝 Creator of The @onederfulstrip
Christina Shipp @ChristinaShipp
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Ed @EdbrohamLincoln
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The Drunk Geek @TheDrunkGeek
98 Followers 548 Following Drunk. Geek. All things geeky & boozy related.
Josh Breslow @JoshBreslow
159 Followers 81 Following #actor #writer TV: #nashville #dwightinshiningarmor @newgirlonfox Film: #trialbyfiremovie #jackreachernevergoback #loveandotherdrugs
Benson Church @Benson_corgi
329 Followers 226 Following Benson. Professional Corgi in WaHi. Noms enthusiast. I live with @erynroberts and @thedrunkgeek.![A biographical chronical of Connor [Typical] Stern's daily decisions.](https://pbs.twimg.com/profile_images/416617604636495872/ZIH50sCW.jpeg)
Typical Connor @TypicalStern
16 Followers 105 Following A biographical chronical of Connor [Typical] Stern's daily decisions.
Shirtless Cloon @shirtlesscloon
19 Followers 177 Following
Erin Roberts @erynroberts
431 Followers 684 Following i want to make money pretending to be other people in fictional situations. @benson_corgi is my bud. TikTok: @erynroberts0
jeremyah @jeremyah78
63 Followers 310 Following
Teri M @statikradio
131 Followers 144 Following Singer/songwriter, adventurer, art & design enthusiast, foodie, sci-fi & anime fan, gamer, baker, home decor connoisseur, sex-ed champion, & mom.
Typical Connor @TypicalStern
16 Followers 105 Following A biographical chronical of Connor [Typical] Stern's daily decisions.
Jared Stern @jaredstern
1K Followers 616 Following Aspiring. @DCSuperPets. Green Eggs & Ham. @LEGOBatmanMovie. Happy Anniversary.
Between Two Sterns @B2Sterns
56 Followers 89 Following Join the Jareds Stern (@FunnyJared/@sternanigans) in an exercise in benign narcissism as they explore their personal multiverse and constant need for attention.
Melanie Hutsell @Melanie_hutsell
800 Followers 528 Following Mom, Wife, SNL Alum, and have been a supporter of the LGBTQ community long before it had a name.
Jared Harris🎭 @JaredHarris
54K Followers 197 Following Formerly verified on Twitter, Actor, @Allegratastic’s husband, Stream “The Ghost of Richard Harris” where you can #TeamHarris
(parody) BILL NYE THO @Bill_Nye_Tho
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Kari Matchett @TheKariMatchett
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Edward Snowden @Snowden
5.5M Followers 1 Following I used to work for the government, but now I work for the public.
𝘙𝘪𝘥𝘻⚡�... @LaDeeDaaDee
476 Followers 3K Following hello from a happy soul 🌸 #BlackLivesMatter #StopAsianHate #FreePalestine 🇵🇸
Jenny Nicholson @JennyENicholson
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Apple Jean @CrabappleTweets
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ThisOneSays @ThisOneSayz
17K Followers 5K Following Winging this life. Check back for no helpful tips whatsoever. https://t.co/8mX27QK6yN
Ali Spagnola @alispagnola
2.1M Followers 1.3M Following Music. Comedy. Fitness. Outrageous!.... I explain in the video here→https://t.co/ieA94HDzQu
Stephen Ellis @thestephenellis
145 Followers 99 Following Actor (Delivery Man w/Vince Vaughn, Coen Brothers' 'Hail Caesar,' 'A Reasonable Request'), Wendy's 2017 Super Bowl Ad, BBQ Enthusiast, Drought Fighter.
DemonDastardly @mydmac
63K Followers 1K Following My tweets are my own, unless it’s a common ass phrase or cliche, ya moron -Memento Mori https://t.co/1xSHeAgHMT
ugh* @heatherlou_
31K Followers 3K Following proud mommy and original gangsta. toad and football. https://t.co/pD5ViXWnTB
Sandra @Sanbel11
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Anna Nonymous @osoplain
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Eddie Izzard @eddieizzard
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@[email protected]... @JonBaker
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Ashley Erin @ashleyerinkt
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Mark Ruffalo @MarkRuffalo
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Dr. Jill Stein🌻 @DrJillStein
380K Followers 2K Following Medical doctor. Presidential candidate. People. Planet. Peace. Campaign updates at @TeamJillStein
John Lewis @repjohnlewis
911K Followers 138 Following Congressman, Georgia's Fifth Congressional District
Mark @NoticablyBacon
22K Followers 7K Following According to my degree I'm some kind of writer, but I've been writing forever. So really I'm just a guy in a lot of debt.
Alex Tomlinson @MEG_A_TOM
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merr kerrt @mk__miller
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Chad E C @MrAmbitious1090
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Live Laugh Love @livel4aughlove
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mommaunfiltered @MommaUnfiltered
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Val @ValeeGrrl
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