Marty Stutts @stoomters
Cake enthusiast. UK Joined September 2011-
Tweets8K
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Followers2K
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Following2K
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Likes26K
@believeqd Wow, I've never seen such smooth pavements before! But, the whole sunshine, palm trees and beach thing looks terrible. Who'd want to live there? 😂
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Correlation is not necessarily causation, but there does seem to be a direct link between how drunk I am and how many posts I make.
Marty Stutts retweeted
Any room can be a panic room if you have anxiety.
People be posting pictures of their teenager's birthdays, and I'm over here like, that can't be right, that's how old you were when I last saw you... and surely that was only five years ago. #depressing
Do Scooby and Scrappy use regular human toilets, or does Shaggy have to pick up after them?
@John_L_Harmon Start an only fans account and then write a book about it! And stop buying cookies, it's a waste of money - I steal them all! 😄
@John_L_Harmon There must be a lot of them hiding out in my house, and they're always going after the sweet treats! Pesky otherworldly gluttons!
Now, I'm not saying that I ate an entire chocolate orange on my own, and I'm not saying that I didn't. All I'm saying is that an entire chocolate orange was eaten, and nobody else is here.
@John_L_Harmon Oh crumbs! Oh well, I guess that's the way the cookie crumbles. Sorry. I'll see myself out. I understand if you block me.
@believeqd This is why I love my noise cancelling headphones when flying - my stress levels are noticeably lower!
@John_L_Harmon It's fine, I stole all your cookies while you were distracted! Bwahaha!
@John_L_Harmon This is not making me feel any better! Yet another of life's little essentials being denied to me due to the unfair and poorly run lottery.
So, I didn't win the lottery last night. I'm still in shock if I'm honest. I guess I'm going to have to go to work with the other peasants again today. Outrageous!
The photo booth at the supermarket was out of order. It obviously had some kind of old person filter on it. In unrelated news, the supermarket is now out of moisturiser and hair dye.
In case you were wondering, I'm "I just hurt my back doing laundry" years old.
@John_L_Harmon Especially as we have now crossed the boundary into a new hour, so it's expecting another 250 steps from me. This fitness stuff is hard work! 😂
I love it when I walk into the kitchen for yet another snack and my smartwatch congratulates me on meeting my hourly step count.
It's 10:30pm on a Saturday night, I've had a couple of drinks, and obviously I'm about to party* *go to bed
@thoughtsRseeds @Zen_Moments If you keep searching for the diamond you will never realize that your Buddha nature is the dirt.
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