Sarah Bailey @strippercomic
What your dad wishes The Little Mermaid looked like. Featured Comedy Act at Exxxotica 2021 https://t.co/NZb7b5ecsI 🧜🏻♀️ onlyfans.com/mermaidmon3y Joined December 2020-
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We hired a little person at the club and I'm only 8in taller than her 🖤💕
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I was wondering why I never experienced "wedding season". It's because most of my friends are standup comics and who the fuck wants to marry us 😅
Ever had a guy answer business emails while they're inside of you... Just me?
Can't wait for tax returns to hit! Then I'll be able to cross "I can take you out of all this" off my Strip Club Bingo card.
When your ex shows up @ the club and tries to get a dance 😅
Grateful they don't play Christmas music @ the club... Imagine having to twerk to @MariahCarey's All I Want For Christmas Is You 🎄🎁💋
Gonna be 27 next Wednesday... This means I'm officially a middle-age stripper 👠✨
Did y'all ghost your therapist today or are you normal?
OnlyFans, but it's just me eating food in lingerie. Call it OnlyFoods 🤔
Stop calling short girls "Fun Size". It's creepy & unoriginal. Thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Might get my shit together. Might bring home a boy with face tattoos for Thanksgiving dinner 🤌🏻💋
I hate when dudes are quiet in bed. We’re fucking, not on an episode of Silent Library 🙄😒
Compatibility test: Go to IKEA together & buy a bed frame. If you wind up fucking & not fighting after putting it together, get married. @IKEAUSA
Just got diagnosed with asthma. None of you can “take my breath away”. I did it to myself.
Fact: Bad bitches have dirty rooms & cars
Finally at the age where if a guy fucks me over I can just start dating his dad… I’ll see you at Thanksgiving, Tyler 💋
I’ve come to the realization that standup comedy is the abusive boyfriend I can’t break up with 🎤💋 #butdaddyilovehim
Sometimes I wish I could sage my pussy from all the fuckboys I’ve slept with 😬
She’s a 10, but leaves her Halloween decor up year-round, so she’s a 20 👻
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