Jett McCracken @JuniorSpaceman

Being a kid is great except for misunderstanding every goddamn thing.

Mommy always tells me not to cross the street without looking, but I say that's bullshit.

No matter how many spiders I kill, the basement always makes more.

At the hospital Mommy explained to me that just because I was wearing a cape didn't mean I could fly.

I asked Mommy if having a baby was a miracle, she said it was more like getting torn in half nine months after being mauled by a bear.

Daddy says that the smell of Grandma's farm is breathtaking! And that the view is of another farm!

I guess I shouldn't have taken off my pants in church today, but I didn't want to wear pants with pee in them. Underwear either.

Mommy shook her head when I dropped my dinner plate on the way to the table. Daddy just said "Put it on my tab." He didn't yell or anything!

Mommy, I fell out of the tree house and hit my head and scraped my elbows and knees and bit my tongue again. Can I have some more ice cream?

I was very sad that our dog Heinous died, but then I got to see a firetruck!

Daddy says camping in the woods is safe as long as he keeps drinking his cans of bear repellant.

I got two pens and one of Daddy's old hats from Santa! Mommy got the keys she thought she lost and Daddy got all the eggnog and a long nap!

Mommy found my booger wall today. She was mad but I HATE TISSUES! They stick to my nose then I look like Daddy after he hides in the garage!

Mommy asked me what I was looking for so I told her I wasn't looking for the rest of the yucky burrito I hid under the heater last night.

I cut my own hair with the big scissors today! Mommy was so excited that now we're going to the haircut place to make it even better!

Graham crackers for snack today!!! Graham crackers for snack today!!! Graham crackers for snack today!!!

I wore Daddy's hockey underpants on my head because it was funny. Mommy says that's why my face itches now.

Today was the best day of my whole life! I watched Wall-E four times in a row, played hide and seek with Uncle Ted and killed thirteen ants!

Teacher told me I need to stop drawing monsters so I said she was mean and cried as hard as I could. Now mommy is mad at me too. Mean mommy.

Mom said I couldn't have any ice cream because I cried when she threatened to not give me any ice cream.