Lucky Commander @LuckyCommander
Commedian, millionaire, philanthropist, serial killer, liar. But im funny Joined July 2013-
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Following437
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*teaches parrot to say only the word 'parrot'* "this is the closest I will ever come to owning a #pokemon" *I cry*
No one knows which one is Rizzoli and which one is Isles
"I am the Michael Jordan of Comedy" I tell a crowd. Little do they know I mean the Michael Jordan of baseball of comedy
"What happens in Vegas, stays in Vegas" I mutter to my hotel room, now full of dead Tomagotchis
*stops kissing* if one shot to the reactor could destroy the Death Star why didn't they put the reactor on the planet they wanna destroy?
This Chinese buffet has met its match I've been here since 8am two days ago. They called the cops I'll fucking eat em too
A wild Weedle appeared! Go Nigachu, I choose you! Nigachu used A Lighter! *Nigachu posts up on the corner smoking a Weedle like a boss*
And fyi Nigachu first appeared in Pokemon Black: Gotta Catch Jamal
A wild Martha Stewart appeared! Go Nigachu, I choose you! Martha used Emmett Tilapia! It's super racist!
BUT YOU SAID IF I WANTED TO BE YOUR LOVER THEN I HAD TO GET WITH YOUR FRIENDS!
Ryan Reynolds but as a comic book villain that destroys superheroes by playing them in movies
*pulls away from kissing* If captain america's shield can absorb any impact then why does it hurt when he hits someone with it
*comes up from between woman's legs* and why doesn't Prof Oak know his nephew's name?
*batman voice* Alfred my dad died before he taught me how to put on a condom. Help! Catwoman is in the bedroom now
.@pepsi ARE YOU OK?! I WAS AT A RESTAURANT AND WHEN I ASKED FOR COKE THE WAITRESS ASKED IF PEPSI IS OK! ARE YOU DYING?
#WorstBreakUpExcuse you caught cut to a legendary Pokemon
"Fuck da police kill people pedal drugs I ain't gon' follow the law but my verses better be exactly 16 bars" - rappers
Hitmonchan is Jackie Chan and Hitmonlee is Bruce Lee *the professor sheds a tear* I've been trying to solve that equation my whole life!
@ColonButter yeah I don't know why everyone was cheering when I was wrong. Tough equation.
I wish I was even a little bit kidding when I say that I chose peanut butter M&Ms instead of regular ones for the protein
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