Josh is not a Bot @NorrisCell
''VEGAS BABY!'' - Douchebag tourists Las Vegas, Nevada Joined April 2009-
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Following344
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Josh is not a Bot retweeted
@cudchewerchad @dr_andrealove no link there, just mental illness
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Josh is not a Bot retweeted
Josh is not a Bot retweeted
Me, whispering to Starbucks employee: Someone took a large…sorry…a venti poop on the floor.
Josh is not a Bot retweeted
commenting “nightmare blunt rotation” on everyone’s family christmas photos
Josh is not a Bot retweeted
If you start finding somebody hot bc you spend 40 hours a week with them you should date them and if you still like them and find them hot after a few months of that you should marry them.
ur coworker is not Hot they’re just within 10 ft of u 40 hrs/week
Josh is not a Bot retweeted
Me: What's that thing I don't understand? Friend: Iambic pentameter Me: Yeah but the other thing Friend: Jellyfish Me: Yeah what the hell
Josh is not a Bot retweeted
me: [walking up to other table] oh my god i’m such a fan. can i take a photo with you swedish chef in completely normal voice: listen man i’m with my kids right now
Josh is not a Bot retweeted
fuck the niña, marry the pinta, kill the santa maria
Josh is not a Bot retweeted
At Chef Boyardee, we begin by using only the freshest Thiamine Mononitrate and finest Xanthan Gum.
Josh is not a Bot retweeted
Friend: wyd Me: watching the Idiocracy prequel Friend: that looks like the news Me: yeah
Josh is not a Bot retweeted
Josh is not a Bot retweeted
Everyone you meet is fighting a battle you know nothing about. Snoop around in their medicine cabinet for clues.
Josh is not a Bot retweeted
can’t wait for this election to be over so we can all go back to being annoying in other ways
Josh is not a Bot retweeted
they're stealing the geese in Ohio. don't believe me? take a gander for yourself
Josh is not a Bot retweeted
Wearing my ‘It’s not gonna suck itself’ T-shirt at the vacuum cleaner convention.
Josh is not a Bot retweeted
Gotta turn up the subtitles so I can read louder
Josh is not a Bot retweeted
i hate when parents post back to school pics & say “watch out, world! Chase is off to Kindergarten!!” like what do we need to watch out for? he’s 5. fuck that kid.
Josh is not a Bot retweeted
i'm so bummed to be single. how will i ever find another guy who brings absolutely nothing to the table
Josh is not a Bot retweeted
A hot guy at my job asked me if I had any plans and I told him 15 because I thought he said plants
Josh is not a Bot retweeted
*fiancé just standing at the sink* me to her ass:
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