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Victoria TelferSmith she/her @VTelfersmith

I am a counsellor who specialises in shame, trauma, abuse, panic, anxiety, depression. Am a single parent & survivor of sexual/domestic violence. Peace out. vtscounselling.com Loughborough, England Joined January 2016
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    380
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Victoria TelferSmith she/her retweeted
Jaimi_Shrive Profile Picture

Jaimi Shrive @Jaimi_Shrive

a day ago

This is all so tragically predictable 💔Every single bit, and I hate humanity (though such little of that exists, I’m unsure we can even call ourselves that). Hope everyone enjoyed their ‘likes’ & ‘shares’. Here’s what will happen next: - There will be an inquiry into Jason Arday’s death - He will be posthumously exonerated of many of the accusations he faced - Online mobs will continue ridicule, ‘expose’, & scrutinise, refusing to learn anything from this tragedy as it threatens their hero narrative RIP Jason Arday. I hope so much that your family & loved ones are being well supported 💔

VTelfersmith Profile Picture

Victoria TelferSmith she/her @VTelfersmith

3 weeks ago

@shadows_control Like my boundaries were the problem not his behaviour. I was a bad person and hurting him!

VTelfersmith Profile Picture

Victoria TelferSmith she/her @VTelfersmith

3 weeks ago

@_LisaCherry Same! Hellloooo! 👋

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Victoria TelferSmith she/her @VTelfersmith

a month ago

Why isn't anyone talking about the loss of food vouchers in yhe holiday for parents who receive #freeschoolmeals? #col #parenting #foodpoverty

VTelfersmith Profile Picture

Victoria TelferSmith she/her @VTelfersmith

2 months ago

I asked @leicspolice via a SAR for details of a crime that happened to me in 1987. They had no record of this crime. Nothing. Why? This was a crime of sexual violence, is that why it was not considered important to record? #sexualviolence #crime #police

Victoria TelferSmith she/her retweeted
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Emma-Jane Taylor (E-J) 🇬🇧 @ejtayloruk

3 months ago

One of the most frustrating things I’ve discovered since becoming a campaigner is how little understanding there still is around child development, brain development, and the importance of children growing up in safe, sensible, supportive environments. There is so much criticism aimed at children and their behaviour. But far too often, that criticism is pointed in the wrong direction. When children are struggling, acting out, or behaving in ways adults find difficult, we need to be asking: what is happening around them? What are they being exposed to? What support are they missing? What responsibilities have the adults, politicians, authorities, and systems failed to meet? Because from where I’m sitting, children are being failed, and then blamed for the consequences. Of course, I believe poor behaviour from a child must be dealt with, managed, and come with consequences. But it should also be about understanding and addressing the root cause of that child’s behaviour, so we can actually help children do better in the future and avoid repeated patterns of poor behaviour. Given the world we live in today, with children overexposed to so much, adults have to accept some responsibility. I hear adults complain all the time about children “misbehaving.” What I don’t hear nearly enough is adults saying: “What can we do better to help children feel safe, supported, and able to behave better?” I take my responsibilities as an adult seriously. Knowing what I know, I cannot stay quiet about this. Children need guidance, protection, patience, boundaries, and understanding - not constant criticism from the very adults who should be helping them. Do better, people.

VTelfersmith Profile Picture

Victoria TelferSmith she/her @VTelfersmith

3 months ago

I put a request into the police for records of a crime that happened to me in 1987. They came back with nothing. There are no records of the crime. I thought recording crime was very important for future safety of victims. Obviously not! #police #crime #1987

Victoria TelferSmith she/her retweeted
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Dame Nicole Jacobs @CommissionerDA

4 months ago

I spoke to @LBCNews today about the importance of holding perps to account for domestic abuse related suicides following the conviction of Lee Milne in Scotland. There's been lots of progress made, but too many families are left waiting for justice.

Victoria TelferSmith she/her retweeted
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Shadows of Control @shadows_control

4 months ago

Abusers don’t co-parent, they counter-parent. Even worse, they target the very thing that is most precious to you, your bond with your child. These are some of the ways they do it: They speak negatively about you to shape how your child sees you. They promise a “better” life or new family to pull your child closer to them. They involve your child in custody issues and make them feel responsible for conflict. They create coalitions by positioning your child on their side. They buy affection through gifts, trips, and rewards to compete with your bond. They use emotional blackmail by threatening to say harmful things about you. They make threats to force agreement on parenting decisions that suit them. They encourage secrecy and ask your child to keep things from you. They show disapproval when your child expresses positive feelings about you. They distort memories and rewrite events to influence how your child understands you. They undermine you by ignoring your boundaries or rewarding your child for going against you. Out of everything an abuser does, this is the cruelest, and it cuts the deepest. There is a particular kind of pain in watching someone interfere with your bond with your child, using them as a tool for control and revenge, and deeply harming them and you in the process. It is violating, it is relentless, and it goes against every instinct you have as a parent to protect, nurture, and stay connected. It forces you to stand in the middle of something you never should have had to fight for, your place in your child’s life. I have found healing around what was done to me, and I have rebuilt parts of myself I once lost, but I will always carry a deep and lasting outrage for what he chose to do, and continues to do, to my child. #CoerciveControl #PostSeparationAbuse

Victoria TelferSmith she/her retweeted
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Emma-Jane Taylor (E-J) 🇬🇧 @ejtayloruk

4 months ago

The Naked Bike Ride is due to arrive in the UK very soon. I’ve spent the past year challenging this event because my safeguarding concerns have not been taken seriously by the organisers, the City Police, MET Police or by the Mayor of London, despite these issues being raised repeatedly. If this prompts more people to look into the concerns I’ve highlighted and support my petition, it only strengthens the call for accountability. Thank you to everyone who has stood with me. I see you ->>> change.org/p/the-naked-bi… @MayorofLondon @CityPolice @metpoliceuk

VTelfersmith Profile Picture

Victoria TelferSmith she/her @VTelfersmith

4 months ago

@JonjayNeedham1 Beautiful garden Jon! 🌷

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Victoria TelferSmith she/her @VTelfersmith

5 months ago

My #therapist agreed with me when I spoke about the sexual violence I experienced, especially when I said it was my fault because I had been walking home at 1am from a party. My #boyfriend had been too drunk to walk with me. #shame #rape #therapy

VTelfersmith Profile Picture

Victoria TelferSmith she/her @VTelfersmith

9 months ago

@Shrink_at_Large Ridiculous newspaper!

VTelfersmith Profile Picture

Victoria TelferSmith she/her @VTelfersmith

9 months ago

When potential clients use therapist Facebook groups instead of booking in with a therapist! Gaaaah! Stop it! #therapy #facebookgroups #clients #dilemmas #thetapistslife #therapywork

VTelfersmith Profile Picture

Victoria TelferSmith she/her @VTelfersmith

9 months ago

@JonjayNeedham1 Yes, I am good thanks Jon! 😊

VTelfersmith Profile Picture

Victoria TelferSmith she/her @VTelfersmith

9 months ago

@JonjayNeedham1 You are enormously special Jon, you inspire survivors the world over. Including me! You are awesome. 😍

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Victoria TelferSmith she/her @VTelfersmith

10 months ago

Awesome book!

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Victoria TelferSmith she/her @VTelfersmith

10 months ago

Making shoppers pay for returns while online shopping isn't right. The company isn't paying rent for a shop with fixtures and fittings, so don't pass it on to the customer. 😑 #shopping #onlineretailers #customersatisfaction #returningclothes #customerisright

VTelfersmith Profile Picture

Victoria TelferSmith she/her @VTelfersmith

a year ago

@shadows_control How he treats our children. He doesn't care about their emotional and physical health. He doesn't parent them and doesn't have good boundaries for them. They can game all night and day with no safeguarding. They are left alone in the house without access to food.

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