ukpan @ukpan3

An Englishman in Texas. The Woodlands, TX Joined April 2022

Tweets

73
Followers

71
Following

429
Likes

159K

Jon Tweets Sports @jontweetssports

a week ago

FIFA suspending Balogun's red card so he can play for the USMNT tomorrow is the kind of FIFA corruption that used to only happen for the rest of the soccer world. The USA has finally made it to the big leagues.

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devon sawa @DevonESawa

a week ago

A movie about a guy that rents a movie off iTunes and then the zombie apocalypse breaks out. Now all he wants to do is find a quiet place to watch it before the rental expires. “ 28 days left”

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Alvaro Berro @alvarofberro

3 weeks ago

🚨 #ULTIMAHORA preocupación por el estado de salud mental de Edward Norton. Se le ha visto desorientado hablando solo durante el USA-Turquía en el estadio de los Ángeles.

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Chivo Infante @chivoinmortal

4 weeks ago

Maradona si hubieran existido las pausas de hidratación en México 86.

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The Little Platoon @PlatoonPod

2 months ago

There's a bit in the Hitch Hiker's Guide to the Galaxy (written in 1979) where the heroes come upon an intergalactic flight has been grounded for thousands of years. Its automated systems told it not to launch until it was fully stocked up with lemon-soaked paper napkins, for the comfort of its passengers. But the surrounding civilization collapsed, and the napkins never arrived. Consequently it put all the passengers into hibernation (waking them once every few hundred years for coffee and biscuits) until such time as another civilization might arise, and restock its lemon-soaked paper napkins. The Guide is a more accurate and prophetic account of modernity than most Very Serious Science Fiction writers could dream of creating.

Pirat_Nation 🔴 @Pirat_Nation

2 months ago

Andon Labs tested their AI agent Mona, built on Google’s Gemini, by letting it manage a real cafeteria in Stockholm for two weeks on a $21,000 budget. Mona spent heavily on unnecessary supplies, including 6,000 napkins, 3,000 gloves, and 300 cans of tomatoes, while forgetting to

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Star Wars Daily @StarWarsDaily_

3 months ago

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NFL Memes @NFLMemes

4 months ago

Tua Tagovailoa has put his South Florida home up for sale after being released by the Dolphins and signing with the Falcons

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ukpan @ukpan3

6 months ago

@SeanTPendergast On the glass half full side, resigning him just got a lot cheaper….

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NFL Researcher @NFL_Researcher

6 months ago

Fewest wins against teams with winning records in 2025... 🔹Jets - 0 🔹Titans - 0 🔹Cardinals - 0 🔹Saints - 0 🔹Raiders - 1 🔹Cowboys - 1 🔹Chiefs - 1 🔹Dolphins - 1 🔸Patriots - 1

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Hänsel @UberHansen

6 months ago

This year the Patriots have more pending domestic assault cases than wins against teams with a record over .500.

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ukpan @ukpan3

7 months ago

@f01re Knowing sed and awk is what got me my first job (not the six years of university that preceded that 😳)

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Bob Knows Ball @bobknowsball69

8 months ago

Many Texans fans said they wanted the team to be the same caliber as the Chiefs and Ravens this season

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ukpan @ukpan3

8 months ago

@TheCinesthetic

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Scorigami @ScorigamiGuy

8 months ago

HOU 36 - JAX 29 🚨 SCORIGAMI 🚨 That is the 1094th unique score in NFL history, and the 3rd of the 2025 season. Path to Scorigami: JAX FG, JAX TD+PAT, JAX TD+PAT, HOU FG, JAX FG, HOU TD+PAT, JAX FG, JAX TD, HOU TD+2PT, HOU TD, HOU TD, HOU TD

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jacob @jtimsuggs

10 months ago

This image becomes a thousand times funnier when you realize it’s a parody of the first cast photo/table read for The Force Awakens.

DiscussingFilm @DiscussingFilm

10 months ago

First cast photo for ‘SPACEBALLS 2’ Starring Rick Moranis, Bill Pullman, Lewis Pullman, Daphne Zuniga, George Wyner, Mel Brooks, Josh Gad, Keke Palmer and Anthony Carrigan. In theaters in 2027.

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David Coverdale @davidcoverdale

10 months ago

😬😬😬😬😬

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ukpan @ukpan3

11 months ago

@StarWarsDaily_ It was a good show (8) that was overlooked because of the bad shows that preceded it.

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Hollywood Horror Museum @horrormuseum

11 months ago

"WHY DON'T YOU TALK ABOUT YOUR MUSEUM MORE INSTEAD OF STUPID MEMES?" Our CEO is trying to get our Museum open for 2026, we volunteers post silly funny cool interesting ridiculous things, because the museum gets paid for views, likes, retweets. Posting pays Museum bills 🎃