Perfect Moms @PerfectMoms

...or something to that effect. She/Her twitter.com/search?q=from%… Joined April 2019

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3K
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Following

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Perfect Moms @PerfectMoms

4 years ago

8 had a party and one kid asked for an ice water when offered a drink. So now I’m making her go over my taxes and tell me her skin care routine.

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A Bearer Of Dad News @HomeWithPeanut

5 years ago

Anyone: My finger hurts WebMD: You died five days ago

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Perfect Moms @PerfectMoms

5 years ago

H to 7: keep it up and I’ll make you watch Ghostbuster rated R. Also known as poltergeist

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Daveastated @Daveastated

5 years ago

Me: would you like to role play? Her: definitely, as long as your part can be recast.

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One Awkward Mom @oneawkwardmom

5 years ago

Some of you were never taken down in the middle of the night by a butterfly hair clip to the foot and it shows

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meghan @deloisivete

5 years ago

My husband: don’t buy any more stuff for the kids, after Christmas and birthdays they don’t need it Also my husband: *takes the 6yo with him to get groceries and comes back with a Batman costume*

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Daveastated @Daveastated

5 years ago

*first day as a defence attorney* Me: I would like to submit as Exhibit A, my client's unused 'get out of jail free' card.

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Maddy 👗👟👒🍃☂️ @MadHatterMommy

5 years ago

Can't, busy deleting typos to make tge same ones again before tweeting

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I Hide From My Kids @IHideFromMyKids

5 years ago

6yo: what’s this? [pointing to my razor] Him: mommy’s razor 6yo: what’s it for? Him: shaving 6yo: but mommy doesn’t have a beard Him: exactly [omg he’s so dead]

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K Squared @thatdentaldude

5 years ago

I saw an old lady get hit by a car the other day and I couldn't believe my eyes. I sat there watching for hours as person after person walked by without rendering aid.