Quarantined Anders @andersjazz
True Twitter genius providing everything you could ever need for a lavish Twitter experience. Ask Your Mom Joined January 2010-
Tweets28K
-
Followers546
-
Following1K
-
Likes11K
@ThatEricAlper What a stupid flex to even try to make.
0
0
0
205
0
View Details
@dadmann_walking Better than my Avocado Toast Civil War: Tiny Plate Jurisdiction Edition.
Every aggressive driver I encountered today had New Jersey plates. For a moment I thought it was a full moon. Turns out it was just New Jersey.
@BMcArthurWrites @karunpal Only reason I get those steps in is living in NYC and doing everything on foot literally forces you to do so. 😂
Text ten random people: “Please keep me apprised of any developments.”
@The_AdProfessor I was literally just thinking about this ad yesterday!
My kids are at school having moved into the next scene. I am still back at the breakfast table staring at two allegedly identical pieces of avocado toast like it’s forensic evidence.
Are you starting your day with Bach or Mozart? No. You start with Steve & Eydie and walk into Wednesday like it’s 10:30 PM at the Copa.
Found out from Carlo at school pickup today that Italy is no longer in the World Cup. I’m still processing this information.
@BMcArthurWrites @karunpal 😂😂😂 Truly.
Want me to read you Goodnight Moon?
As an American citizen, it is my God-given right to eat a Cinnabon® Classic Cinnamon Roll whenever I want. The Founding Fathers died for this.
@MarkMadDogDavis I just use Heroin AM, an option for people “who want to use heroin” but also “get stuff done.”
@spacebabykraze @shortsqueeznews She also looks like she’s on welfare. Clearly no actual level of intelligence.
@blakeaburge So many times I cognitively notice the exact moment where I could take that pause and a second later I realize I didn’t take it. Because I’m worked up and in fight or flight. Don’t know when I’ll actually learn this skill.
Revenge is a pastry best served cold, ideally after being left in the fridge overnight.
Tonight is Top Chef: Trauma Recovery Edition
@andrewglynch I am pretty much dying. 😂
𝑴𝒐 𝑴𝒐𝒉... @MoMohler
14K Followers 10K Following Rated 100% pure, grade A, American “little beef boy” by JD Power And Associates.
Dx: Moonstruck @moonstruckinnyc
5K Followers 2K Following Here I come, marching to the beat of my own dumb
Jason Not Evil @JasonNotEvil
16K Followers 4K Following Screenwriter and fart joke enthusiast Popular tweets: https://t.co/cVlfPJFRBK
Bö Jänke: Hönkÿ @Bob_Janke
45K Followers 8K Following Fancy Pants raconteur I write this for fun https://t.co/heH4IlJcMx I know who DB Cooper is
octopus/caveman @octopuscaveman
34K Followers 2K Following cool ranch icarus, painter of LoveBots, king of diarrhea jokes
TimTam🍫 @CandymanTimTam
3K Followers 1K Following Twitters favorite candy bar 🍫. (he/him) as seen on Today. com (hit the link ➡️) https://t.co/bKRAbwFu6D
Crissie @CrissieC
58K Followers 4K Following Mom. Pickle connoisseur… Certified meat-eater…I have a potty mouth...Leafs fan.I like my coffee black because it’s a lot like me…bitter, dark and hot (flashes)
Rach, Esq. @thebgcomplex
5K Followers 2K Following Held together by superglue and sarcasm. Attempting to kick cancer’s ass. Not actually a lawyer. (she/her)
Claire Behind The Hai... @urmumsausername
43K Followers 5K Following PayPal ➡️ https://t.co/xkCZJek5Vo tweets➡️ https://t.co/gurgQ4zbz9
inspector ratchet @_hood_mona_lisa
20K Followers 6K Following Public menace. Bog Witch. Level 58 Trainwreck. Costco Gold Star Member.
Lera @leraschwartz31
3 Followers 413 Following
Emma tiny menace @yoemmak
44 Followers 342 Following moonchild, mutual magnet 🌙 mutuals only but i follow back
Elon Musk @ElonMusk5z9
0 Followers 10 Following Who controls the memes, controls the Universe • Dogecoin • Aliens • Elon Musk Parody Account
Penguin @villarustica
809 Followers 7K Following Thoughts on living between Miami, Minneapolis and Luxembourg. Mostly sports, politics, and business. The U- 82. CFB is just better when Canes are relevant.
Angel Jessica @AngelJessidstr
0 Followers 35 Following
CrisCaBo @CrisCabo
471 Followers 1K Following You Cannot Fulfill ur Dreams unless u Dare to Risk it All..
Rich Mintz @richmintz
10K Followers 7K Following Street safety, housing, and democracy advocate. Fmr Housing committee chair, Manh CB6. Opinions mine. He/him. (richmintz bsky social)
Milliespices @Milliespices
854 Followers 3K Following i know a little bit about a lot of random things
Musk x fan @Musk31050869
40 Followers 3K Following
Maye private @mayeprivatett
87 Followers 6K Following Doctor of Dietetics 👩🎓 Supermodel 😉💃 [email protected] Author: A Woman Makes A Plan📖 +Sept 2026 TIMELESS 📖
GOD provides @Bubajal83327490
513 Followers 3K Following 1 CORINTHIANS 16:14 Let all that I do be done in LOVE.
Thebrokeragebabe @juliaeatsjulia
1K Followers 2K Following Boston Mass. Fuck Donald Trump. I know what I’m doing. I will get outta my car & throw down so don’t F with me. And I love antique jewelry💙💙🇺🇦
Mohammad n harbeed @mohamad_harbeed
294 Followers 3K Following A Palestinian from Gaza: I'm not just a number, I'm a human being who loves life. And a witness to genocide. 🍉🍉🤍 Free Palestine.🇵🇸🇵🇸
David @davidsonsgurl
58 Followers 447 Following Financial Markets | Trading & Investing Tools | Charting | Stocks | Options | Futures | Commodities | Forex | News | & Much More
𝕊𝕥𝕖𝕝𝕪�... @lifeofstelynn
2K Followers 2K Following Just giggling my way through the existential dread.
Sequel2internet @sequel2internet
18 Followers 86 Following The internet is great! But isn’t it time for a sequel? Let’s build the internet 2 together! Looking for investors and ideas for what features to include.
sam @sam61o
355 Followers 7K Following Mining company CEO✍️ FOREX /CRYPTO TRADER📊 💼 Account managere✍️ ⌚️ Day trader📈
fiascá spice @TilllyNeonn
1K Followers 687 Following fuck off my mom works at bath and body works - @yuribaguette
Cheryl @CherylNi4
59 Followers 2K Following https://t.co/jd4VdTuPUq #followback #followme #follow #teamfollowback #followforfollow
Sunshine @WhosYourVader
14K Followers 6K Following 🇺🇸The All-American Woman - my place is in the kitchen, drinking your bourbon. Sunnier in person.
Emma @VernixEmma
377 Followers 3K Following For once in my life I would like to leave the hairdressers with perfect hair
Angel Banks @banks_angelzz
1K Followers 3K Following
Doc Johnny Fever🎙 @NikiMarinis
6K Followers 2K Following Weird Girl 🔮 Co-host @LyricalCrimes podcast 🎤 Writer of dating & relationship carnage & advice 📝
Amanda @amerlino44
277 Followers 4K Following I am a lottery winner of $320million giving $55,000 to my first 100 friends and I am helping those who need help in paying their bills. Send me a Dm
Dorian🏳️🌈�... @DreamAbsinthe
3K Followers 4K Following 'I saw an angel in the marble, and carved until I set him free.'
🎬🎹📚 Ｅｖ�... @evecorsobooks
2K Followers 2K Following Author. Music director @ Camaradio. LA native. Lover of books, movies&music. Music submissions: [email protected]
Awayfromdivine @sweatheartmoony
18K Followers 18K Following wordplay afficionado who considers sarcasm to be the most subtle form of human expression https://t.co/JqVZh7bbuq
💕Wendy Bird💖 @wendypink224
3K Followers 2K Following I’m pretty nice and I have good hair. Chaotic Neutral. Somewhat irresponsible. Dont take me seriously. And Tuck Frump
Ruby Aria💞 @SixxRafinha
141 Followers 1K Following 👜 Fashion Designer Celebrating individuality through design | Innovating with a sustainable heart ❤️ Join me on the journey of style. ✨Professional designer👗
JP Falcon @FalcomJames
3K Followers 3K Following Food from different countries, cultures & ppl #foodie also beers, wines & drinks. We All Eat, Drink, Laugh & Be Merry. Music & Dancing too.. travel photography
MommyingHard @MommyingHard
4K Followers 1K Following Working mom in her 30s trying to hold it together. 2 kids, 3 if counting husband, 2 dogs. Sharing your daily dose of mom-edy moments.
Slappy @Slapmemam
2K Followers 1K Following
Lil Bit 🌈 @LizerReal
50K Followers 849 Following Wife of a guy. Mother to spawns. Sugar glider in my bra.🖕🏻🍊Find me on IG https://t.co/bIMfqBqyjG
𝑴𝒐 𝑴𝒐𝒉... @MoMohler
14K Followers 10K Following Rated 100% pure, grade A, American “little beef boy” by JD Power And Associates.
ADHDean @ADHDeanASL
20K Followers 4K Following BLACK LIVES MATTER. Husband, dad, friend. Ally. ASL Interpreter. Doofus. Midvale School for the Gifted alum. Mastodon: [email protected]
Dadman Standing @dadmann_walking
59K Followers 1K Following introvert. dad of 3 boys. not interested. bourbon fund: Venmo- Shane83 My link https://t.co/X1R5q5BtIr seen in @Buzzfeed @Menshumor @HuffPostParents
Dx: Moonstruck @moonstruckinnyc
5K Followers 2K Following Here I come, marching to the beat of my own dumb
Jason Not Evil @JasonNotEvil
16K Followers 4K Following Screenwriter and fart joke enthusiast Popular tweets: https://t.co/cVlfPJFRBK
SneezingWithWetMascar... @WetMascara
18K Followers 2K Following Yes, THAT Thanksgiving tweet. My Faves: https://t.co/90HdOEinlH Recent Tweets in Link Below.
Fomo Simpson @HaliPhacks
8K Followers 3K Following Keeping it funny on Twitter since its early days as a radio show. My tweets ➡️ https://t.co/qLDJZH3oFp
Trey @treydayway
46K Followers 5K Following *Something profound* - @treydayway https://t.co/c64nfwFO1X
Bö Jänke: Hönkÿ @Bob_Janke
45K Followers 8K Following Fancy Pants raconteur I write this for fun https://t.co/heH4IlJcMx I know who DB Cooper is
octopus/caveman @octopuscaveman
34K Followers 2K Following cool ranch icarus, painter of LoveBots, king of diarrhea jokes
jon drake @DrakeGatsby
101K Followers 2K Following I only take up a little of the collapsing space. 1/2 of @blastzonepod
Helleanor Rigby @Mom_Overboard
52K Followers 3K Following 🥪 take these broken wings and learn to fly 🏔
Adam @adamgreattweet
58K Followers 2K Following Dog owner but she doesn’t know I’m on here. Parody account. He/Him
Readwise @readwise
213K Followers 3K Following Save your best highlights from Kindle, Twitter, Pocket, Instapaper, iBooks, and 30+ others. Then revisit, search, organize, and export them seamlessly.
NYC Sanitation @NYCSanitation
108K Followers 58 Following World's largest municipal sanitation force. We collect 24M pounds of trash/recycling a day. Acct. not monitored 24 hrs. User policy: https://t.co/FXBTkGTrpP
Tina Quillen Photogra... @aHeartSoFull
5K Followers 2K Following Award winning Nature & Wildlife Photographer Inspiration ~ Education ~ Adventure No NFT's and please NO POLITICS
Blake Burge @blakeaburge
417K Followers 217 Following On a mission to build meaningful things with @sahilbloom. Fan of Bourbon, Books, and Good Advice 🥃 📚 💬
Penguin @villarustica
809 Followers 7K Following Thoughts on living between Miami, Minneapolis and Luxembourg. Mostly sports, politics, and business. The U- 82. CFB is just better when Canes are relevant.
Robert Sterling @RobertMSterling
212K Followers 3K Following Finance bro. American. Marine. Christian. Don't take anything I say here seriously.
Little Kevin 5, cpa @pootsobotka
2K Followers 989 Following pitcher only (HS). New York sports suffering fan. 82 Stanton enjoyer. cpa?
Emily Gould @EmilyGouldNYmag
7K Followers 592 Following features writer/Dinner Party at New York Magazine author of books married to @keithgessen
Wealth Decoded @WealthDecoded7
8K Followers 144 Following Helping Men to Level up mentally, financially, physically• Wealth mindset • Growth thoughts & habits.
Your Best Version @YourPrimePath
113K Followers 18 Following insights to become the best version of yourself | Turn on notifications
Mind Matter @MindMatter28
196K Followers 81 Following Follow to develop the mindset that will change and revitalize your life. DM for Collab. ✉️
Jacks Dining Room @jacksdiningroom
24K Followers 2 Following Finding the best food and experiences on earth! @yeschefguides @yescheffoodfest @yeschefrunclub @yeschefgroup [email protected]
John Marciales @John_Marciales
9K Followers 7K Following Toma el control de tu vida. Recibe perspectivas diarias para dominar tu mente y cuerpo. Únete al 1%.
Thebrokeragebabe @juliaeatsjulia
1K Followers 2K Following Boston Mass. Fuck Donald Trump. I know what I’m doing. I will get outta my car & throw down so don’t F with me. And I love antique jewelry💙💙🇺🇦
Adam Aaronson @aaaronson
5K Followers 568 Following Developer, writer, trombonist, cruciverbalist, brother, bassist, son, Wikipedian, grandson, 2006 Time Person of the Year, cousin, ukulelist, nephew, citizen.
Xavi Mateos. @soyxavimateos
5K Followers 496 Following He visto + de 1000 webs 💡 y por eso hago que tu negocio venda + con una comunicación mejor. Desarrollo personal / Mentalidad de éxito / Escritura persuasiva
Jordan Barger @PersonalRecords
2K Followers 952 Following Literary Translator. Sigbjørn Obstfelder, Yahya Hassan, Tor Ulven et alia Published translations in bio link \/
Daniel D'Addario @DPD_
14K Followers 2K Following chief correspondent at Variety, dad in Brooklyn, Peabody Awards juror, author of the novel “The Talent” (Gallery Books/Scout Press)
NyanChuu🔮🇯🇵�... @tanpukunokami
25K Followers 5K Following 日本🇯🇵の良さを発信したい🇯🇵 I share Japanese culture, daily life, and traditions from a Japanese perspective.
Iqra @AiWithIqra
5K Followers 141 Following AI Creator 🚀 | Exploring the best AI tools & workflows Open for Collaborations & Brand Partnerships 📩 [email protected]
👽 @awwheyuu
5K Followers 1K Following
maddy catgirlprostate @catgirlprostate
12K Followers 2K Following @catgirlprostate.gay on bluesky transsexual bastard, annoying bisexual I only post good tweets Backup account: @catgurlprostate
David Pogue @Pogue
1.2M Followers 2K Following "CBS Sunday Morning" correspondent; "NOVA" host; author; former NY Times tech columnist; dad of 3! Get my stuff by email: https://t.co/dWX7ur7BTU
masha @masha_slp
3K Followers 901 Following
Jackson Doud @JacksonDoud
856 Followers 462 Following Catholic // Farm Kid // Lawyer // Aggressively Average Crossword Enthusiast // @iastate_cals & @drakelawschool Alum // @IowaFarmBureau Government Relations
𝕊𝕥𝕖𝕝𝕪�... @lifeofstelynn
2K Followers 2K Following Just giggling my way through the existential dread.
becca gohn @beccagohnmusic
5K Followers 3K Following writing songs that grow wings 🦋 https://t.co/KiG1a3Pli8
ɢʀɛɛռ ɢօɖ @iGreenGod
31K Followers 28K Following Active daily on X—jokes, relatable, sarcasm, life lessons & gentle reminders. 🌿 He/She 🤺 | PHD in Women 🧬 To support me, please subscribe; it's only $2. 🙏
Dr. Biohacker @Dr_Biohacker
51K Followers 9 Following The science of longevity made simple. The future of health is self-engineered.
The Turning Point @theturningpts
5K Followers 37 Following Every man has one moment when everything changes. Mindset, routines, and discipline for men building theirs ↓
Jennifer 🟥🔴🧙... @babybeginner
71K Followers 7K Following Baby beginner painter learning something new. Writer with a sharp pen. Questioning norms, sparking laughs, and exposing life’s absurdities.
successmovers @successmoverss
80K Followers 37 Following Psychology| Philosophy| Motivation| Discipline| Abundance Mindset
A Cambridge Diary @acambridgediary
77K Followers 85 Following The original Cambridge Diary. 5,000 continuous daily pictures of Cambridge curated into a trilogy of photographic love letters https://t.co/l30mAx0Yd6
Gary Hershorn @GaryHershorn
28K Followers 401 Following Photojournalist in New York City. Previously with Reuters. Getty Images contributor. Instagram: @garyhershorn BlueSky: garyhershorn TikTok: @garyhershorn
ce n'est pas erica @sourhoestarter
41K Followers 1K Following i’d like strawberry instead of vanilla if you have it. if not, then no ice cream, just whipped cream, but only if it's real, if it’s out of a can, then nothing
TheLiftingShrink @psypharmacopeia
6K Followers 7K Following Former Marine. Navy Psychiatrist. Four decades in the iron game. CF-L1 trainer. BJJ newbie. Still raging against the dying of the light.
Trends for United States
You might like
JayMind
@JayMindX
7K Followers
Cheers!
@cheers27402373
3K Followers
Kelly S.
@kelter1
7K Followers
Jenny Doesnt Know
@HighlyIngenious
4K Followers
Matty
@bestestname
16K Followers
barrel rolls
@barrel_rolls
3K Followers
Adrian Dad
@StyloDad
6K Followers
Dad Named Matt 🇺�...
@mahnamematt
6K Followers
LL Gabagool Jay
@LLGabagoolJay
3K Followers
Rach, Esq.
@thebgcomplex
5K Followers
Uptown Schmuck
@SchmuckOnAHorse
8K Followers
Micheal Maybe
@MichealElliott
2K Followers
❤️Hush Jared🤙
@HushJared
9K Followers
Jeff the 4th
@grayskies365
700 Followers
Groceries
@Terrorsweats
534 Followers